Inspired by Silvia’s HCV-transmissionable medical devices online shopping trips, I purchased two vintage syringes (with no needles) and they arrived today. Below are the eBay images and my two. No CDC “one and only one” injection practices in those days. Reuse and recycle was more like it. And double-dipping needles into multi-dose vials. Note the skimpy cleaning instructions. Anyone think that the recommended cleaning solution would kill super hardy HCV?
Mine! What next?
After five and a half years, the battle for the VA ILP greenhouse is over. We met at Appomattox@va.gov Friday morning and began the final dance. I felt the VA was now past the suspense date and was prepared to treat it as they do. Sorry, Charlie. You had ninety days to do it. You’ll have to start over again with a new rationale for denial. I’m headed back to the CAVC. My regular Vocational Rehab Counselor abruptly bailed out on Wednesday last and said he was incommunicado until the 19th. That was mighty convenient right in the midst of hammering out a mutual plan. In his stead, he handed me off to the Seattle Head Poohbah of VR&E who never answers my emails. Not this time. It was like the damn had broken. Diarrhea of the mouth doesn’t describe it.
His majesty the Poohbah promptly emailed me back and asked for a phone call. He was almost in tears and wanted this problem concluded before the end of the day. He begged for this based on Columbus Day being a National Holiday which legitimately granted him one more 24-hour window to strike a bargain. Since I like timelines, I’ll illustrate it this way. I agreed assuming he was blowing bubbles again. All the more rope to clothesline himself with.
Friday 14 October 2016
1041 Hrs: Incoming.
Mr. Graham,
Is it possible that I can call you this morning to discuss?
David Boyd, Acting Assistant Director Seattle Regional Office
——————
1105 Hrs : After arguing for ten minutes to no avail on several items, I indicated we could settle it back at the CAVC and hung up on him.
1231 Hrs: Incoming new email proposal including most all of what I sought except for a workable portapotty that didn’t require ‘bag and tag’ capabilities. I had no desire to “scoop the poop” and haul it off-site for disposal. I had previously suggested the eco-friendly incinerator for $3,950.00 or a nice composting model for $1795.00 (installation not included) and was laughed right out of the future greenhouse. Again, I demurred and told him to sharpen the pencil.
1335 Hrs: Composting toilet approved. He was hot to trot on an immediate verbal concurrence. Sensing a cave in at any moment, I then decided to throw sand in the gears. But sir, what of my request for a Lexis Nexis Veterans Benefits Manual (VBM) with CD for two years. I put in for it in April and have heard nothing but “It has nothing to do with a greenhouse ILP.” Do tell. Is the VBM included as part of our “bargain”? No dice.
1505 Hrs: VBM is included for two years. Whereupon I decided to go out on the little branches to see how much they would support me. I said the deal was good but absent any propane to heat the greenhouse, the offer was null and void. I also wanted nutrients and a teacher to instruct me in the mysteries of hydroponics and the care and feeding of my new greenhouse. It was carefully explained to me that this was forbidden as a matter of policy in M28 R. It took me almost a minute to explain the concept of VA law that says the rules and regulation in effect at the filing of the claim are for application unless a newer more generous interpretation is promulgated in the interim before a successful appeal. My ILP claim for a greenhouse in 2011 preceded the March 31st, 2014 issuance of the M28 R ergo propane and nutrients were for application. Mr. Poohbah politely said in a cracked voice that, were it in his power to do so, he’d buy two years worth but it was never going to happen. Hasta la vista baby. See you in Court.
1622 Hrs. Highest and best offer arrived with eight minutes to doomsday. Roger on 90 days of propane and 90 days of nutrients and a hydromeister for learning the care and feeding of the greenhouse. All systems go.
My parting comments were brief. I pointed out: “Excellent. Now see how easy this was and how we accomplished more in less than eight hours than we have in the last year? I asked if he felt this was rather painless and productive. He pretended not to hear. I explained that with my new VA Agent status, we would be doing a lot of ILP business in the future and how I hoped this had been an instructive learning experience that would aid us both greatly because I was not going to dry up and compost like the poop in my future waterless closet. I do wish we had used Skype because I’m sure a shudder must have riven his body from stem to stern.
1655 Hrs: (Overtime) Incoming.
Jerrel called yesterday and wanted to do a Part Two on Diabetes as we ran out of time and left no room for a Q&A session from the membership. Good idea. Silvia Price has given us a lot of valuable information and made it far more easy to comprehend medically.
We’ll begin again this afternoon at 1600 Hrs ( 4PM on the Left Coast) and 1900 Hrs (7 PM) on the Hurricane Coast as they seem to be running three hours late almost all the time. I think it has something to do with politics. RN Silvia Price will be on to answer any questions and provide a different approach to diabetic maintenance.
Remember, the call in number still hasn’t changed. That presumably makes it easier to remember.
Call us with questions this evening.
P.S. Wonder of wonders. My Voc. Rehab counselor emailed this morning on the very last day before contempt proceedings begin and has finally acquiesced to everything I want in my greenhouse. After obstinately refusing to deal with Farmtek for over a year, he suddenly has become a Chatty Cathy doll. They seem ready to sign the surrender documents. But then we’ve been there before…
Mother Nature personified
In a last-gasp effort with the sun setting ever lower in the south each evening, my Silver Queen corn put it’s all into it. Two weeks ago, there wasn’t enough on the cobs to keep body and soul together for a bird day. I turned off the water and it still grew. It tells you just how motivated and determined Mother Nature really is.
I’d like to meet Mother Nature some day. I’m going to go out on the little branches and say I envision her as very businesslike akin to the early Merryl Streep in The Deer Hunter yet still personable and one you could talk corn with.
Corn in the Northwest is 118 days versus about 90 in Kansas. Even then your lower ears aren’t ripe. Imagine coming through again three weeks later in early October and finding them all dressed up like the munchkins in the Wizard Of Oz. They’re all there but only a third as long. Perfectly formed dwarves, or is it vertically challenged ears? I rarely ever see a normal ear populate the entire cob.
Meet our Fertilizer experts here at LZ Grambo. We bathed them today. Cupcake doesn’t understand they’ll roll in the sand pit before dawn but it makes her all fuzzy and warm when they look good,
41
Cooper
Last Tuesday, October 4th, the Seattle VR&E troops saddled up and rode the I-5 trail to LZ Grambo. Only the Corporal made it.The expressed reason was to find mutual ground for the size of the greenhouse. It was pointed out that I could raise 643 heads of lettuce per week over a six week cycle if phased germination was strictly observed. VA feels that’s over the top. I agree. I’ll settle for 300 or so every week. I’m big on greens. So we accomplished that. We ironed out a slab on grade and rubber mats for fall protection. We ironed out the hydrophonic system and Kris finally got phonics out of the subconscious and ponics in. Cupcake says he’s never going to be Mensa material. Cupcake is a very good judge of people.
Kris, my Vocational Rehab Counselor or VRC, is like a parole officer. He has to keep track of me and make sure I am being rehabilitated successfully on a timely basis. VR&E has now raisesd bean-counting to an art form. Said VRC will commute 45 miles one way to my house each month to make sure I am really growing in my greenhouse and “successfully accomplishing the activities of living independently with the help of, or the reduced help of others in the Community.” We will do this monthly for two years. Mr. GS-12 $99,415.00 a year VRC will drive 2,160 miles in his GI Ford Focus to make sure I’m fogging the mirror. Hell, they’ll probably put in a spy camera and make sure I’m out there every day. If they’re putting a cool $20 million into art at the entrances to VAMCs adjacent to our VAROs across the fruited plains, surely there’s enough in the budget for a camera with a cue’d sat phone upload. Whoa there, all you chemtrail sniffers. Just kidding. I don’t think they have the intelligence to think it out- at least the ones I’m dealing with. It’s like playing poker with a big mirror over the table and the VR&E ribbonclerks are clueless.
While the VRC was here I was finally able to graft onto his prefrontal lobe the idea that the “hydrophonics” were necessary due to my loss of lifting capabilities. He abjured his former beliefs and allowed as how the VA had somehow overlooked that in the formulation of the IILP. About that time, Cupcake launched the first “Liar! Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!” salvo-one of many. As all who know Cupcake can surely attest, she holds back nothing when truth is trampled. And boy howdy has VA got a track record of stepping on their necktie when they speak about anything.
After repeated begging to reduce or meet him at some smaller, mutually agreeable size all could live with comfortably, I asked for the 120 VAC portable incinerator toilet for a paltry $1,790.00 plus tax and shipping. You have to put something artistic in the foyer. VA is big on that from what I hear. Kris didn’t see my humor and asked me to scale that one back about a thousand to the Cheapo Depot® $650 ‘bag and tag’ model. Think body bags on a much smaller scale. Fine. Then I asked for the Lexis Nexis VBM as a brand new IILP for helping Vets. That he can approve all by himself!
I thought we had a hammered out deal at a 24 X 24 foot, half and half on hydroponics /dutch pots. Mr. Boyd, the VR&E Officer in Charge, had made the appointment personally and asked to be here (personally) but was AWOL for this important Appomattox-like moment. Which poses an awkward problem. A VRC’s $ authority is $2,000.00. If it goes over that he has to send it up to Mr. Boyd (the OIC). If the actual construction costs exceed $14,999.99, and the “service” (read greenhouse) complete with all the bells and whistles exceeds $25,000.00, the OIC is forced to relinquish it and send it to the VR&E Director for approval in DC.
The VR&E Officer (David Boyd) was told this on December 16th, 2015 by the VR&E Services Director. Mr. Boyd also knew from September 15th, 2015 onward that the projected cost of my IILP was in excess of $143,000.00 with a fixed construction cost of $46,000.00. Ruh oh, Rorge. You can see how that little Denver overrun thing happened now. ‘What do you mean they want beds in the hospital? We didn’t bid that. It ain’t on the spec sheet’.
So, here sits VRC Kris with no plenipotentiary powers, bartering over the size of a greenhouse and what will go inside. I have to have rubber mats for fall protection. I have to have 30″ high ADA hydroponic tables. I have to have room for the hydroponic mixing vessels, extra materials and a small portapotty. Oh, shoot. I forgot to tell him I need WIFI so I can run the hydroponics computer from my iPhone™. I guess I won’t worry. After $1.6 Billion in overruns down there in Denver, this won’t be too big a bump. As for the little apartment-sized refer for the beer, I’ll bring that up later, too. It’s taken VA a year and a month of self-denial just to get this far. Besides, asking them to stock it for two years with a medium-to-strong IPA with just a kiss of the hops is understandably going to be met with some flak. I fully expect that. My fallback position is Corona but they have to supply the limes.
aaaahhhhrruuuu?
It looked like we could all see the daylight until the other shoe dropped. ‘Gez, Massah Holloway, how you g’wine git dis alllllll done by next Thursday?’ You can almost hear that Tim the tool man Taylor’s “Ahhhruuu?” that came out of his piehole. Next Thursday? Je ne comprends pas rien? What happens next Thursday, pray tell? Well, I guess I don’t need to tell you the 38 CFR §21.98(b)(2) news went over like screen doors in submarines. I do have to admit, he had a pretty flippant initial rejoinder (with a semi-shit-eaten grin) for that by saying: (wait for it…)
Mr. Holloway: “Well, that date really has no meaning even if we do not have a signed IILP because the construction costs are going to go well over $15,000.00 necessitating sending it to Washington DC for administrative review and/or approval. There’s a lot here you’re not aware of, Gordon. My authority ends at $2,000.00 for any given service. Mr. Boyd has certain cost limitations as well.This is way over our pay grade.”
And then the grin began to fade…
Mr. G: ” Roger on the $2K/$15 K. Your problem is that you should have sent the plan to DC on December 17th, 2015 as VR&E Services requested. Mr. Boyd stated that fact in his declaration to the Court back in July. You had, and still have, constructive possession of all my medical records-hence a full knowledge and understanding of my avocational limitations. The Federal Court (CAVC) gave you 90-as in nine zero days-from July 13th, 2016 to October 13th, 2016 in which to formulate a joint IILP with me. You have squandered eighty one of those days blowing bubbles and only now arrive with no boss for guidance, no authority to bargain and even less of an idea of what you are discussing or bargaining about. The man who organized this chose to bail on you. You two fellows have nine (9) days left to construct the IILP or find yourself in contempt. This is a little bit like hand grenades. There ain’t no one thousand four. On October 14th, 2016, or shortly thereafter in the following week, absent a signed IILP, I will ask Judge Bartley to recall mandate as perjury and misrepresentation of the facts were employed to deny my Extraordinary Writ. VA never had any intention of constructing a greenhouse with costs exceeding $14,999.99 that would comply with my needs. You are proposing to add another ninety days at a minimum for Admin. Review and then another six to find a VA contractor who can spell cement. I’d be lucky to be germinating spinach in a year tops. Oh, and without any lighting, all I’m going to be growing is mushrooms. Did I mention you guys only have nine days?”
VRC: “So what would you consider the absolute “must haves” in order of importance?”
Mr. G: “Are You asking me to triage th-”
Cupcake: “How would we know? We’re not horticultural disability experts. Perhaps you should call the Farmtek gal who actually is. We’ve been telling you that for over a year. Are you dense or is it a mental aberration? You have nine days in which to comply and you sit here rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic to keep them dry. This is priceless. I can’t wait to see what happens.”
It’s obvious the VR&E guys were building the greenhouse from the ground up. Anything left over after the roof was to go into (in descending order of precedence) a porcelain pull chain light, a hose bib and a 120VAC outlet (non-GFCI ).
Quite simply, VA, who chooses to ignore 38 USC and 38 CFR, has preferred to follow the M28 R and then chosen to disremember 38 CFR and suddenly breathe new meaning into the definition of 90 (ninety) days. The fact they have no intention of obeying any deadline- 90 days or otherwise, shows their disdain (and ignorance) of the statute and regulations. Imagine how St. Meg is going to cotton to that.
There is the possibility the Court will decline to recall mandate. Oh well. For another Ulysses S.Grant $50 coupon, I can be right back in the catbird seat about the time that next 90-day deadline rolls around. With that year-old plus BVA decision comes ungodly power. Mr. Boyd simply underestimates his adversary. Hell, this is more fun than watching a Presidenshul debate.
Happy Christopher Columbus Day and may all your oceans be blue.
Jerrel called me up and asked if I could do a show on my post about DM II. Sorry Jerrel, but that was Keidove’s post and a mighty fine one, too. BVA decisions turn up interesting facts and we’ll discuss them on Sunday night. I’ve given Keidove the email jolt to be there as it represents her hard work, not mine.
We’ve got all kinds of knowledge about DM II and how to lock in that 40% to seems so elusive. Radio showtime is 4 o’clock on the left coast and 7 PM on the hurricane coast. Gee, they named it after my firstborn male child, too (the hurricane, not the show). I have asked Keidove and Berta to join us and we’ll see what my powers of persuasion are.
Remember, the call in number is
Talk to me, Johnny Vet.
Nurses have told us that DMII is a chronic condition; that once you have it, you always have it. And to never go off the restricted diet or risk suffering terrible side effects.
When we lived in a senior apartment complex in MN, we saw some of those side effects including foot amputation of an attractive slender woman in her sixties. Just do a Google images using the search term “diabetes amputated leg” to see this particular horrific consequence in graphic detail.
But the VA has a different belief/standard, one that doesn’t see DMII as chronic. If a veteran’s DMII is under control, his chart may be coded “prediabetic” and that is not accurate.
San Diego, White River Junction, and Detroit RO’s motto: “All for one and one for all.” All a united front to deny DMII benefits to a Vietnam vet.
One afflicted Vietnam vet decided to stop taking his DMII medications because three ROs: San Diego, WRJ (VT) and Detroit all claimed he did not meet the VA’s criteria. Why? Because his medications successfully managed his diabetes mellitus, type II. So he decided put himself at risk and fight on.
BVA Veterans Law Judge BARBARA B. COPELAND set this case right
(Citation Nr: 1422344)
and possibility saved this vet from further physical disability when he rebelled at the idiocy and injustice and went off 
his meds (link). She wrote:
At a February 2010 hearing before a DRO, the Veteran testified that he was treated with Metformin for his diabetes mellitus but had recently stopped taking the medication because of VA’s continued denial of his claim for diabetes. He stated that he had been medically treated for diabetes for two years. He testified that his peripheral neuropathy was related to his diabetes mellitus.
His private doc went to bat for his patient:
Dr. Hanson noted that the VA examiner has disputed that the Veteran has diabetes mellitus at all based on the ADA’s outmoded standard definition of diabetes which requires two fasting blood sugars 146 or above on two separate occasions; a two hour post 75 gram glucose load come back above 200 mg/dl on two occasions; and random blood sugar 200 on two occasions. Dr. Hanson noted that the Veteran had a hemoglobin A1C of 6.4 percent in 2007 despite running vigorously and regularly and having a lean body mass that exceeds most Americans’ fitness.
Thank you Dr. Hanson and Judge Copeland for caring.
The DIABETES MELLITUS DISABILITY BENEFITS QUESTIONNAIRE (LINK) uses the outmoded standard (See page 3) of diagnostic testing to deny benefits (exception of 146 versus 126.) In this case, a non-VA provider is essential to writing a good nexus letter or to fill out this form.
According to the NIH, the A1C and the blood glucose are the two most important tools; but like political polls–there is a margin of error. VA Doc David Aron provided these charts to the NIH (link) to illustrate.
NIH click to read
NIH–click to read
Oddly, the VA QUESTIONNAIRE does not ask about heredity. Why? Because special, more accurate tests, are needed if a hemoglobin variant is present.(LINK)
People of African, Mediterranean, or Southeast Asian descent, or people with family members with sickle cell anemia or a thalassemia are particularly at risk of interference. People in these groups may have a less common type of hemoglobin, known as a hemoglobin variant, that can interfere with some A1C tests.
That’s a whole lot of vets...and many are unaware of their DNA roots. I didn’t find out about my thalassemia until I was 50. We confirmed Mediterranean heredity via DNA private testing (ancestory.com) origins, and other genes, and should probably request the most accurate tests now.
False A1C results may also occur in people with other problems that affect their blood or hemoglobin. For example, a falsely low A1C result can occur in people with
A falsely elevated A1C result can occur in people who
Other causes of false A1C results include
So if one suspects diabetes, it behooves us all to find out if you have a hemoglobin variant and if so, request the right lab tests.
Click to read. Bay Pines Florida VA amputee support group
In a bold strike, with an Extraordinary Writ, no less, Robert Chisholm and his Merry Band in Sherwood Forest, Rhode Island have won a dandy victory for all of us at the National Organization of Veterans Attorneys (NOVA). We all have employees who we affectionately refer to as Our Girl Friday who we need to delegate authority to. Now we can allow them to view Veterans’ files remotely without having to be a registered attorney or nonattorney practitioner.
Robert V. Chisholm, Esq.
Imagine how that lightens Bob Chisholm’s load. Much like a Veterans Law Judge, everyone of us who can afford it, hires staff attorneys or paralegals to help triage the paperwork. In a firm the size of Chisholm, Chisholm & Kirkpatrick, I’m sure the principals have two or three each. CC&K does all the Disabled American Veterans (DAV) losses from the BVA to the CAVC. I imagine they do a land office business trying to repair about eight years of legal disasters. Well, that’s why there’s NOVA. Eventually someone comes along and tells you about that Philippine Guerrilla Fighter Veteran in Manila named Mario Caluza and his epic battle with Jesse Brown.
Congratulations on winning (partially) an Extraordinary Writ forcing Call me Bob to allow us more access to the one document (claims file) that we can actually use to win with. What’s with all this Secret Squirrel crap? You need the magic password to view it but no one else can? Spare me. VA loses more computers and wastes more money every year endangering Veterans information than a handful of inept CC&K paralegals will ever accomplish in a twenty year career. Gals like Heather and Shawn up at LawBob Squarepants’ law offices have more of an idea of COMSEC than a twenty year DRO ever will.
Here’s the decision. Lots of fun reading. CCK 5, VA 0. Again.
Albert L. Weiner, O.D., began practicing osteopathic neuropsychiatry in the 1940’s; he made it into the Guiness book of records as the world’s fastest psychiatrist after his greedy conduct was made public. According to court commentaries, when he wasn’t teaching classes, or giving electro-shock therapy, he injected up to 40 patients per day (in four treatment rooms) with drugs like sodium surital, sodium amobarbital, atropine, methapyraline, hormones, vitamin B, and methan phetamine. He used about four to five dozen needles and syringes which were reused each day after sterilization–even after treating several jaundiced patients.
The assembly-line ended, temporarily, when a large serum hepatitis outbreak (41) left many dead. He was indicted (5/1/61) on 15 counts of manslaughter. After an eight‐week trial, in which 135 witnesses were called, he was convicted on 12 counts and sentenced to two to four years in prison and fined $12,000.
From January 1, 1960 to March 18, 1961, 41 alleged cases of serum hepatitis, 15 of them resulting in death, occurred in Dr. Weiner’s practice.
Dr. Weiner appealed to the Supreme Court of New Jersey and won
(State v. Weiner, 194 A. 2d 467 – NJ: Supreme Court 1963). On Oct. 21, 1963, the State Supreme Court set his conviction aside and ordered a new trial. The court also ordered the New Jersey Board of Medical Examiners to restore Dr. Weiner’s license to practice “without prejudice.” (link).
Only one dissenting judge, Vincent HANEMAN (Link), himself the son of a doctor, really understood this case.
That there has been an increase in the recognized incidence of serum hepatitis since World War II is a substantiated scientific fact which has received much general publicity. In spite of the minimal information about serum hepatitis it is medically indisputable that the disease is transmitted solely by the introduction of the virus into the blood stream, and that the spread of the infection during the course of intravenous injections or infusions can be prevented by the use of aseptic instruments and medication.
We come then to the crime for which defendant was indicted in 15 separate counts involuntary manslaughter in connection with the death of 15 persons, all of whom allegedly died of serum hepatitis with which they became infected as a result of defendant’s criminal negligence.
During his injections and infusions, defendant had available two methods of instrument use. He could have (1) employed new disposable needles, syringes, Ven-O-Pak tubing, and bottles of solution in the injection and infusion of each patient and thus have made certain that those instruments or equipment were uncontaminated with the serum hepatitis virus, or (2) used the same needles and syringes repetitively but only after proper sterilization to destroy the virus which possibly could have contaminated the needle and syringe by prior use upon a patient….The defendant elected to pursue the second of the above alternative courses
http://law.justia.com/cases/new-jersey/supreme-court/1963/41-n-j-21-0.html
Sales of disposable syringes increased after the tragedy of Dr. Weiner’s unlucky patients. This case involved multi-dose vials, re-use of medical devices, poor or no sterilization, assembly-line rushed medical interventions and bad hygiene. There was no way to know if the serum hepatitis in Weiner’s practice was B or some other agent because science hadn’t advanced enough. Dr. Baruch Bloomberg’s (Navy WWII vet) Nobel lecture (Link) gives some details about his discovery of HBV in 1966. Alex has written about the Australian antigen previously. But scientists had been working on the problem of hepatitis for decades prior to the 1960s–including experiments with human subjects.
It’s a pity this widely-reported case didn’t inform and reform the medical practices of the DoD in the future. Dr. Weiner may not have been an addict sharing needles with other addicts, but his methods made him a super-spreader of hepatitis. Similarly, the DoD’s past medical practices made it the–the what?; MEGA epidemic/pandemic hepatitis/virus spreaders?
champions? Or should the U.S. Public Health Service deities of that era so be crowned? Alice says, ‘Congratulations, share the crown–because you all knew what could happen after insulin was used to treat diabetes.’
Having short bowel syndrome can be a blessing and a curse. The upside is you have to eat to stay alive on a meal-by meal-basis. The downside is Cupcake crying and saying it just isn’t fair that she can gain weight from brushing her teeth.
People laugh when I say ‘eat’. We’re talking losing two pounds if you miss a meal. Doctors tell me to graze like a cow in a measured cadence. They don’t get this. It’s difficult to steer when the lip of the feedbag gets up in your line of sight. In fact, you’re supposed to have your hands firmly planted at 10 and two o’clock if the matter be known. I don’t see that much now. With my bum left arm, I use a suicide knob at 2 o’clock.
In my continuing Profiles in Meat Courage, I share the agony of having to wade through a 3-pound Flank steak. I’d take this cross to bear over being a boy named Sue any day. People laugh derisively but they don’t know about the suffering from a sore jaw muscle after chewing that much Prime Beef. And let me tell you- that leaves quite an experience in the loo which means I have to pack around the Poo-Pourri (see above) like an American Express card. Cupcake is adamant about not leaving home (with her) without it.
Don’t let this go too far. I guess I don’t mind letting you in on this but I’ve put a few Starbucks and Paneras out of business for days when I forget the spray. It’s gotten to the point where Cupcake won’t even go in with me unless I promise not to visit the loo. The worst one was up in Silverdale when they called in the bomb squad and the dog alerted on me. Said I smelled like ANFO. That’s embarrassing.
I prefer Home Depot® stores, personally. It’s always at the back of the store so folks don’t have use the fire escape doors that set off the alarm. Lowe’s® restrooms are always at the front and presents a security issue when all the cashiers run out and leave their tills unguarded. I’m not trying to cause problems and Poo-Pouree™ helps solve the problem for everyone. Be careful not to get any of it on you. It’s like getting hit by a skunk.
Anyway, for meat afficianados, this report is for you.
Having been born and raised in the South, seeing a big black snake that dang near spans two lanes of a country road isn’t a stretch. They love that heat in the summer coming off the macadam and often crawl out there to enjoy it. This explains why you see so many black snake road pizzas in May. Since there weren’t any black-colored poisonous snakes I was aware of, it was always safe to grab one to scare the girls with. I liked to put them in a burlap bag and turn them loose at the Drive-in just before dusk so I could whack it up ‘side the speaker pole and “rescue” some gal from imminent danger. Hey, it got you to first base in Sumter, South Carolina in 1968.
When I got to sunny Southeast Asia in 1970, I didn’t see a lot of snakes first off. My buddy Craig blew a Malaysian Pith Viper into twenty .223 pieces with his CAR 15 about six inches from my ear one morning at the beginning of Monsoon. Did any of you know your ears bleed when your eardrums blow out? I couldn’t hear him say that sarcastic “You’re welcome” for several weeks after. I don’t think I’d even paused to think about poisonous snakes over there up to then. Who knew? I was looking for poisonous gooks. We were over the fence up at Alternate (Long Tieng, Laos.)
Since being in service is not always glamorous, the guys with fewer stripes on their sleeves always get the jobs cleaning up and policing the trash. One Spring Saturday morning in 1971, Craig and I drew short straws and were elected to clean out a commo building. Someone had left the door open and a lot of rats had gotten in. They were chewing on our arsenic-coated 25-pair cable we had stored there and the arsenic wasn’t having any effect. Craig and I waded in with our Montagnard-issue crossbows and were making great headway when I noticed about 24 inches of black snake tail sticking out from under a pallet of field telephones. Without even thinking, I reached down and grabbed it and pulled him out-just barely six feet of him. Before he could even blink, I stepped on his noggin, grabbed him behind his neck and shoved him up next to Craig’s face.
Craig wasn’t a snake guy and didn’t cotton to my humor. What he did find funny was that I was currently holding one of the biggest black cobras in captivity in that province and no game plan for disposing of it. That’s when I noticed the fangs. Since I’d never found myself in this predicament before, I asked him what he suggested “we” should do. Seemed like the smart thing. He was my commanding NCO, right? Craig was from Mississippi and his laconic, slow drawl answer was “What you mean “we” Kimosabe? Looks like you two fellers are the ones holding hands.” That must be one of those Mississippi humor things.
We walked outside into the sunlight and thought for a moment. Being Air Force, we instantly had a foolproof plan. I’d throw the sucker down on the 3/4 inch minus gravel and stun him. Craig grabbed my .357 S&W out of my shoulder holster and stood ready to apply the coup d’ grace. Ne problemo. Well, not exactly.
I hucked that puppy down with all my might and he bounced back off the gravel almost two feet high. He sure didn’t act stunned. That’s when his umbrella-sized king cobra hood suddenly expanded outwards. Up to then, I had a death grip on his neck and he couldn’t flare his hood. Craig laid down six rounds in the air space formerly occupied by him- each time a millisecond behind where he’d been. Mr. Cobra ignored him and concentrated on me. I had no idea how fast these suckers were, either. I pai lao’d back into the shack and he came roaring in after me. Craig was screaming for more ammo for the pistol and I was shaking like a leaf on a tree and stumbling backwards blind.
My right heel hit on a 4 foot piece of 2 by 4 dunnage and down I went. Mr. Cobra was now gaining on me as I valiantly tried to skid backwards on my ass away from him. He rose up one last time to strike and Craig grabbed the 2×4 like a a NBA batter and caught him right below the neck. It’s a good thing he was dead because he landed on top of me. I don’t mind telling you I peed my pants a little. I’m a man and can admit that now at 65 but I sure didn’t say anything then. Nonplussed in the least, Craig said ” Wow. Them suckers are fa-a-a-ast. Next time, give me your speed loader before you throw him down, okay? It took me a bit getting the feel for how he swayed.”
I don’t reckon I picked up another snake of any flavor for about twenty years. I like to think of these things as teaching moments on how to stay alive. Of course, Craig had to tell all our friends how I was screaming in fear for my life (I wasn’t) and how he saved my bacon. Considering what he did to my right ear and that Malaysian Pith Viper, I reckon I’m glad I didn’t give him any more ammo or I might have been wearing it.
War is Hell. Snake combat is something entirely different. They bartered us down to 2,000 Kip for it in town at the market. I think that was about 12 1/2 cents. We were robbed. I wanted to hold out for 15.
asknod
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kcraveiro
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