VIETNAM VETS–THE PROSTATE EXAM


I always appreciate when you fellow Veterans take the time to keep us up to speed on pertinent medical ailments relating to exposure to herbicides. Here, I was blessed with a recent experience of one and how he was able to adapt to the awkward, changed circumstances. That he was able to remain calm and civil and refrain from any misogynistic comments in these circumstances speaks volumes about his upbringing.

My friend requests anonymity which I understand.

I went to my regular VA doctor for my 70 year physical and was sent to the Urologist as a precaution. He seemed to be cognizant of our plight vis-a-vis AO.

When I reported to Urology, I gotta tell you I was real uncomfortable. Turns out Dr. Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. I didn’t want to turn into a bird dog and “go on point” so to speak.  The booth bitch asked me if I had a problem with that. I was polite and figured all the other guys had gone through this so I said roger that. No sweat.

I got into the backless gown and reported to Room 4.  And in she comes, Alex.

“I’m going to check your prostate today because you’re an in-country Vet. We’re seeing a lot with prostate problems in your cohort. This new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. It helps us better visualize the gland.  I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.

I sucked it up and took the deep breath. When I felt the “check” begin, I slowly exhaled 99. Or tried to. It came out a bit garbled through the groan.

The doc then asked me to roll over on my left side and do the exact same thing. I did. I was really holding together there up to about that point.

I thought we were done and started to slide off the table when she pulled me up short. “Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I need to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold up  your penis to keep it out of the way.” Is that okay with you?”

I dumbly nodded yes and rolled over. By this time I was totally tongue-tied. Speech escaped me at that point.  In fact, it looked  like there was no way I was going to avoid the inevitable. Resigned to the worst, I assumed the position.

She did exactly what she said she was going to do and then said “Okay. Give me a biiiig deep breath and say 99, sir.” It was already too late. I just barely got the deep breath accomplished….

“One…

two…

three…”

About asknod

VA claims blogger
This entry was posted in Agent Orange, AO, Humor, KP Veterans, VA Agents, Vietnam Disease Issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to VIETNAM VETS–THE PROSTATE EXAM

  1. Jim Orpin says:

    I always hate going for an Upper GI and a lower. I asked my primary care Dr about getting both at the same time and he said yes.. So I only have to purger 1 time and and be asleep 1 time. I have to have an upper GI every 2 years since I have no stomach…Jim

  2. john T king says:

    There is just something about feeling vulnerable when any doctor is exploring your A-hole. All this is nothing compared to the unhappy feeling we get preparing for colon exam. Crapping your brains out for 24-36 hours before colonoscopy is no fun.

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