Like some amazing chimera, my greenhouse always seemed to be just over the horizon, following completion of that absolute last Performance Work Statement or awaiting final approval from my BFF Jack Kammerer-head of VRE Services Central Office. And boy howdy, the day arrived.  Mr.DC of the Bremerton Veterans VRE office called me up Tuesday morning with the most excellent Christmas news. He was wanting to know what day would work to go over the numbers and location for my brand new…(wait for it)…  15 X 20 greenhouse.  

Où est la très grande serre manifique? Seems someone in Seattle must have accidentally attached the wrong .pdf folder or documents to the email back to DC for the final signature. And only now we find out… eighteen months later. If you believe that story I will pay for your annual subscriptions to Flat Earth Home and Garden and Santa’s 2017 North American  Continent Naughty or Nice List. Shucks, I’ll even throw in the Sandman Sentinel. As for me, you won’t see the Mayflower tied up to my front porch.

A mutual agreement with both parties  on a 20′ X 28′ structure we had. Yessssss. VA must be using those automotive situational awareness devices that admonish viewers

“Attention! Greenhouse May Appear Larger In Mirror.”

Graham Proposal 10-14-2016

I try to be as optimistic as possible  but have even been chided and derided by Cupcake that this will never come to pass while I’m alive. O ye of little faith. A river polishes a stone for eons but the stone endures far longer. My faith is strong and even if it isn’t, there’s always an Extraordinary Writ of Mandamus to pitch a bitch with.

Speaking of Ex Writs, this error was supposed to have been resolved by October 13th, 2016. And indeed, it appeared it had been until the call from Mr. DC revealed the dichotomy in agreed size. In the eyes of the Court, based on  Erspamer v. Derwinski (1990), in order to have standing for a Writ, the delay or arbitrary refusal to act by the VA Secretary must be protracted but certainly not “two or more years”. I fully expect VA to dawdle each and every one of those days away until they are ordered to produce. Based on that, I forecast a date certain-October 12th, 2018- before meaningful colloquy will ensue.

Dangling a poor facsimile in lieu of what was agreed to is par for the course with VA. If they promise you a bidet, expect to get a regular toilet accessorized with a five-gallon bucket and attached auto-syphon hose  hanging above it (in matching Arctic White).  The Aim High/hit low philosophy presumes a Veteran is a chump and will settle for the Value Village® or DollarDaze™ Ozark version of any given ILP product. Here, I suspect more was at play but the evidence would be too tenuous to show it was a contrived error.

I find it’s always best to avoid talk of conspiracy and smile a lot when these misunderstandings  occur. VA would like nothing better than to push you over the edge and provoke violence. I wouldn’t go too far south and put on the Gomer Pyle act but rolling your eyes would be permissible here. I asked them innocently to send me a copy of this wonderful news before it turns into a pumpkin pulled by six mice in traces. We all remember the Excessive Awards Program (EAP) where the Director of C&P had the power to give any decision a haircut if it exceeded $250,000 or more. Old Leroy Macklem learned that one the hard way . Likewise, he too persevered and was rewarded handsomely.

And here I thought I was going to deliver some wonderful news about  a long-awaited appeal. Instead, the VA Grinch effectively stole it by obfuscation and professed stupidity. If VA was a private business, I figure they’d be heading into their umpteenhundredth Chapter 11 Bankruptcy with negative assets and millions in worthless writeoffs.

Merry Christmas to all you wonderful people from the far east( Puerto Rico) all the way to the far west in Manila. You make my life rewarding. Well, VA’s screw ups do at any rate.