SquareBob Lawpants

As per all of your requests I share really good jokes, I hereby submit SquareBob Lawpants’ latest. I only got one ride in an F 4E in 1969 with my father flying GIF but I can tell you it will part your hair when you hit afterburner. The joke is risqué but manages to fall within our narrow parameters that it not be too explicit or obscene. Forthwith, I submit for your enjoyment


A gray-headed old man shuffled into a downtown bar holding his head up high.  His hands shook as he took the “piano player wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender. “I’d like to apply for the job,” he said. “I was a navy f-4 pilot off the USS coral sea. I learned to play the piano at officers’ club happy hours while in port, so here I am.”


The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.


The old pilot shuffled his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.


The bartender took the old navy pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.  It’s called “drop your skivvies, baby, I’m going balls to the wall for you” he said.  After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said “I wrote it myself.”


The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.  After he finished, the f-4 pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second offered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, “big boobs make my afterburner light.”


He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, “spread ’em baby, it’s foggy out tonight and I need to see the centreline”, excused himself and headed for the john.


When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, “hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?”


“Know it?” the old fighter pilot replied, “hell, I wrote it!”

About asknod

VA claims blogger
This entry was posted in All about Veterans, Humor, KP Veterans, VA Agents, VA Attorneys, Vietnam War history and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Kiedove says:

    The AF is recalling retired pilots because they are 1500 short–I’m sure you’ve read about it. I’ve heard that they will also train private pilots now to fly fighters. Any takers you think?

  2. Don Bichler says:

    I would have surrendered my God-given license to kill anything that moved on the ground for a backseat ride in an F-4 Phantom II. I got to call the FAC in a few times and he had his two Phantoms work over the area. Very impressive what napalm and bombs and rockets and 20mm does to foliage. Does the same as Agent Orange but does it much faster. .

    • asknod says:

      I had a ball point ink pen in my flight suit chest pocket. After pulling about 4 g’s in a tight turn, it emptied out all over me. Up country, we liked the Sandys out of NKP because they could hang around and work over an area with lots of ordnance. And, they weren’t so damn loud.

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