I have repeatedly heard the term “VA stakeholder” and finally decided to look it up. Former VA Secretary McDonald and our newest fearless leader repeat it incessantly so it must have great gravitas. Here’s the skinny from what I can tell. VA is very vague on this and, as we all know, they can confuse you with a lot of disingenuous terms like ICARE, nonadversarial, Veteran-friendly and the like. So, in order to get to the meat of this, I had to use Google® Search.
Google had to correct my spelling of stakeholder but I think I finally got the answer. Phrasing is everything when you search on Google. It seems VA has chosen a term that is a tad off kilter in its usage but that’s VA, huh? Anyway, when Googled properly, you find that a VA stakeholder is a tool for spearing steaks. I figure ‘stake’ is a VA misspelling like sticking that non in front of adversaral. It appears to have a secondary VA definition as well involvied with Kumbaya -like overtones. Everyone gets that warm, fuzzy feeling like they’re all invested in part of something much Bigger.
Just to be sure, I queried Ben Krause, Chris Attig and Bob ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ Walsh for their respective take on its definition just on the off chance I was misunderstanding it. Chris chimed in first and said I was spot on because VA really has no stake’holders’ unless you consider VA personnel peeing on your leg and telling you it’s raining being the primary definition. Ben strongly suggested Veterans buy the steaks as closely as possible to their respective Regional Offices so VA would recognize them as “new and material steaks” so as not to be confused with existing Steaks of Record. SpongeBob, of course, being wise in the ways of VA from his former job as a VA attorney, suggested I purchase said holders only from an approved VA vendor or risk having to properly refile later under 5 USC for APA stakeholder claims status. He offered to take care of it for the standard 20%.
Thus, I bring you the official VA stakeholder from what I can figure. It’s the only explanation that fits the known facts. Most Vets I know are the last ones in the chain to find anything out about their claims. Ergo, VA stakeholder is a misspelling of steakholder– of which there are plenty of examples on Google search. How this relates to VA must be on a need-to-know basis. I’m sure we’ll find out eventually.
Allow me to introduce what I believe is the latest VA claims tool. I’d love to be the West Coast distributor for these devices. Amazingly, they can be extended to their maximum length when employed (36 inches) to ensure maintaining a safe distance from VA shenanigans. The black and blue handles are the sign of authenticity and will accessorize with your claims posture so don’t accept any with an OD-green configuration. They come in packages of six to employ at each phase of your claim (i.e. filing, NOD, VA 9, C&P exam, BVA hearing and appeal and lastly, that inevitable remand). They are identical and interchangeable for each phase. The grip is soft rubber and ensures a firm grasp of the facts under duress. VA is running a hamster wheel-special this week. Show proof of a BVA remand and they’ll give you a 10% discount. Supplies are limited so order soon.
That’s right. Be the talk of the VSO bar. Impress your service rep. with your legal skills and understanding of how this system works. It’s like having the Swiss Knife tool for all occasions-whether filing claims or barbecuing. And don’t be fooled by any cheap, knockoff pink Yuku.com imitations.
Contact VA for info on how you, too, can get a good deal on this exciting Amazon™ offer. Free shipping and they guarantee 125-day or less delivery¹ with a 98% chance² you’ll get what’s coming to you.*
¹Time estimates may vary from state to state and are based on a ten-year study done in 1985.
2 Accuracy results are based on a per-million study where only 2% of Veterans complained. Your results may vary or not be the same as advertised.
*VA makes no guarantees, implies no liability and refuses to exhibit remorse or accept responsibility for screwing your life up for a decade or two.
Put this one in the Agent B. file.