WHAT’S UP, DOC?


bostonscientificlogoThe miracles of technology amaze. Think of this. A  a combo defibrillator/pacemaker all-in-one with a ten to thirteen year battery. In by ten- out by one- after the Versed wears off. Sounds like a Chinese Dry Cleaners. It weighs a pound and sets off all the metal detectors across the fruited plain. A metal detector wand turns it off, or rather, prevents it from working. Microwave safe and that snappy brushed nickel accessorizes with everything you own.

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But wait. There’s more. It’s Bluetooth™ savvy and connects to your… wait for it…brand new integrated home monitor system.

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Yeppers. Stand within 12 feet of it and give it 30 seconds to “sample you” whenever you want. Put it near your computer and forget about it. Every month or so, it sends in all your data via its own onboard cellphone built in. Should  it detect an ‘event’, it telegraphs the info to the TOC (in Boston, I suppose). In that case, a small signal light on the screen displaying a doctor holding a phone also directs you to call in and find out ‘whazzup?’ An event can be an irregular atrial fibrillation that goes on for more than 30 seconds. A full blown V-Tac for over 30 secs trips the defibrillator for a 35,000 joule whammy to pull you out of a stall. If the defib goes off, I have standing orders to proceed to the ER nearest me immediately and not make any intermediary stops at Starbucks®. Apparently Boston Scientific Company has decryption machines at most major hospitals. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess they don’t have a drive thru lane yet, though. It’s an idea whose time has come. drivethru

Could be in the future you will just “friend” Boston Scientific and drop them a PM on Facebook when you feel that telltale whammy in your chest. I  need an app for my iphone, too. I plumb forgot to ask when I was there.  Rumor has it that the Veterans Administration will be getting these in about 2030 and gradually phase in the Bluetooth by 2035-40. Their IT folks are still a little behind the curve  on this technology.

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About asknod

VA claims blogger
This entry was posted in Humor, Medical News, Vietnam Disease Issues and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to WHAT’S UP, DOC?

  1. Marty Hunter says:

    Had one installed in September of 2010 at Omaha Va. Also have home monitor system….excellent results so far……..

  2. mark says:

    Remote Kill, switch, watch out who you piss off Now, THEY might push Your Button, sounds like Mark of the Beast.

  3. Richard Townsend says:

    Is this the one that Ambulance Chasers have been advertising about?

  4. cdneh says:

    Wow. WOW, even.

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