I have a greenhouse they tell me it’s nice

I asked how much but they won’t tell the price.

I write them letters and say I can’t wait.

They IRIS back ‘n say they’re running real late (bom bom bom bom).

I had that dream going through my head last night. You know. The April Fool’s dream where the Postman rings twice and it’s the VA Package with the ADA/Heated greenhouse and instructions on how to set it up…

Dear Mr. Graham,

Bet you thought we forgot about you. Enclosed please find the 21 1/2 inch by 17 1/2 inch by 10 inch high raised ceiling greenhouse with accompanying instructions. It meets all ADA requirements and is extremely accessible from all sides. The clear plastic wrap is of the highest quality and will give you years of service if you take good care of it. Enclosed is the candle for heating. We’ll be mailing more as you need them over the next three years. We realize you did specify a 24 inch by 48 inch but we simply don’t have the funds available to customize each Veteran’s greenhouse. We are forced to buy them in volume to get a discount. We did, however, ensure you received the 10 inch raised ceiling version as you requested. 

Please make sure to inventory all parts. If any are lost, missing or stolen, please stop and call the number listed below.

Please contact us if you need assistance setting this up at our help line (800) 827-1000. One of our trained VA negotiators will answer your call promptly and efficiently and make sure you get what’s coming to you. Enclosed for free with this greenhouse is a matching set of luggage and sea chest compliments of VA for the five-year delay in fulfilling your ILP claims.

[signed]

A. Lofgren

Veterans Service Center Manager

DeLuxe matching luggage in South Sea Islands “green” theme

Sturdy matching sea chest

I know. It was just a bad dream. Of course, knowing VA, it wouldn’t surprise me for them to attempt this one below just to test my mettle. Come on. I was born on April Fool’s. I’d do it to someone if I was brainwashed into working at VA. I’m damaged goods after fighting 26 years for all this. It does make you wonder what is transpiring  down at the VR&E TOC. I’d give a finger to be a fly on the wall for that discussion.