JOE NIX–OMBUDSMAN OF WRITING STYLE

Posted on May 4, 2013 by asknod
Meet Joe Nix

Meet Joe Nix

Every once in awhile I receive a diatribe from a disenchanted or undermedicated individual who finds fault with my opinion or writing style. Yesterday, I discovered yet another  in my inbox.

It appears Mr. Joe Nix, who also travels under the nom de plume of Grampah, is less than enchanted with my latest message or the delivery. Since he, too, seeks a National Forum for his unhappiness, I hereby grant his desire.

Here is our recent communication.

Joe:

I can barely follow the significant gist of your articles with all the distracting stuff such as the following:

“They been spotted buckling their helmets, taking protein pills and hooking their parachutes to the static lines near the rear exits at VACO”.

Almost every paragraph of yours has these puerile references as what? entertaining? Displays of your imagination? Is this ‘writing down” for veterans?
Why do I complain? Because your articles are necessary information. I can’t believe your style enhances your readership.

Being a polite, responsible author, I replied that Veterans are my passion. I neglected to mention that many I help are depressed and appreciate the humor -actually 10,471 to be exact last month. Dealing with the VA can be deleterious to our mental health-especially when considering many here are dying from Hepatitis C:

Gee, sorry it bugs you. My only suggestion is to vote with your finger and go elsewhere for your knowledge. Most who are Vets find humor with my references including members who served bravely in the 173rd.  You will always find a link on my posts to what I write about assuming you are intelligent enough to click on it.
I write for all Vets. Some I can never satisfy. Fortunately for you, the number of sites that help Vets is huge. Good luck finding the right one that entertains you.

Admittedly, some may see this as a caustic response. It was as polite as what I received from the gentleman. Apparently this merely acted as an incendiary accelerant to the exchange. His rejoinder was rather humorous if you consider an 81 year old calling out a 62 year old with Stage 4 cirrhosis:

just as arrogant and smartass as your postings. I can guarantee you I’m a helluva lot smarter and more experienced than you are, and I’m 81.

Your emails if you’r (sic)  sold (sic) childess (sic) and stupid to continue this flame war will go into Spam

you don’t have the guts to say what you said to my face. I know your type.

Sensing I was dealing with someone on the margins, I closed the exchange with something neutral:

Sounds like someone is forgetting to take their medications.

This is not the first dissent, nor will it be the last. Some who do not have a forum to dispense their wisdom tend to denigrate those who do. Sadly, WordPress provides these soapboxes free of charge to all who wish to preach to the masses. Since I do not aspire to preacherhood, I use mine to help others. Mr. Nix, it seems, is one of those who can find no joy in anything he reads here and insists I change my style to suit him. He has placed the cart squarely before the horse and obstinately refuses to hear reason, let alone an apology.

The internet is rife with Veterans help sites more numerous than the constellations in the sky. Each of the posts that I and my fellow editors publish is meticulously linked to an article or site for you to investigate if you so choose. You are under no obligation to use this as a sole source and indeed, are encouraged to seek others’ sites and opinions on any given subject. Nowhere is it written that my brand of Koolaid is the correct one.

Expecting this zebra to give up his stripes is simply asking too much. My style of writing may be puerile. So be it. I am certainly not aspiring to a Pulitzer Prize. Humor drives me. It is my sole motivating force. I live for humor. I have a permanent grin on my face.  I avoid funerals for fear of seeming out of place or  appearing glad the deceased has finally departed.

Mr. Nix- please do not take this personally. I’m sure you mean well and wish you could change the world. However, I don’t think I would cotton to your version. Be happy, Grampah. Envisage the glass half full for once in you storied 81 years.

images

For any of you who read my posts, if you would like to contact Mr. Nix and tell him your thoughts (pro or con) on his philosophy, you may contact him at:

 nixit@charter.net

I’m sure he is itching to hear your thoughts on this. Being opinionated and 81 years old, do not be surprised to be called out if he disagrees with you.

Posted in Complaints Department | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

CAVC–BENNETT v. SHINSEKI– 1154(b) AND WHEN DID THEY KNOW IT?

Posted on May 1, 2013 by asknod

These pro se attacks on the gates of Rome by insignificant widows are always awe-inspiring. I have written no end of these cases and all have had positive outcomes insofar as the pro se litigants caught the VA doing something underhanded. If 75 year old widow women can do it, it ought to be a snap for us younger whippersnappers.

Hope Bennett, the mendicant here, hopes to overthrow this nonsense decision and get it reversed. The Court, under the beneficent tutelage of our newest Meg Bartley, remands because it is the only thing permissible. Otherwise, had the option been there, I’m virtually positive she would have. Hope makes a good case for most of this and I wish to point out two important things Vets should observe as a learning moment. By proving Mr. Bennett was one of those who fall from the sky (173rd Airborne) and busy sightseeing at Dak To that week, he is entitled to two wondrous things. He gets the presumption called “combat” and thus every word he uttered in life about this takes on the cachet of truth. Most importantly, for Mrs. Bennett’s pocketbook, it also grants him access to VA’s FAST letter 04-13  . This is vitally important as there is a paragraph that says:

• Occupational exposure to HCV may occur in the health care setting through accidental needle sticks. A veteran may have been exposed to HCV during the course of his or her duties as a military corpsman, a medical worker, or as a consequence of being a combat veteran.

In the instant case, the Board found that various documents submitted after Mr. Bennett’s death established that he engaged in combat while in Vietnam. R. at 11 (“Of note, the Internet articles [regarding the 173rd Airborne Brigade’s involvement in the Battle of Dak To] and the Combat Operations After Action Report show that the Veteran’s unit participated in combat.”).  However, contrary to the Secretary’s concession, the Board did not determine whether the Combat Operations After Action Report was constructively part of the record at the time of Mr. Bennett’s death or that he had attained status as a combat veteran for the purposes of Mrs. Bennett’s accrued benefits claims. Compare R. at 10 (finding only that the veteran’s service personnel records “are deemed to have been constructively in VA’s possession a the time of his death”,  (stating that “even if the December 1967 Combat Operations After Action Report (showing that the Veteran’s brigade was likely involved in combat) is considered to have been constructively of record prior to the Veteran’s death,” it would not constitute the necessary evidence of nexus between his claimed conditions and service). The Board, as factfinder, was required to make those determinations before addressing the merits of the claims. See Washington v. Nicholson, 19 Vet.App. 362, 367-68 (2005).  The Board’s failure to do so prejudiced Mrs. Bennett because, if the Board had found that the Combat Operations After Action Report was constructively of record at the time of her husband’s death, then Mr. Bennett’s status as a combat veteran would have been established and he would have been entitled to consideration of VA Fast Letter 04-13. Bennett v. Shinseki 2013

Please keep this in mind when filing. Your status as a combat Veteran weighs quite heavily on your claim. Obviously, other risks do so too, but this is an important one frequently overlooked by those who defend themselves. That Mrs. Bennett ran across it is very fortuitous but somehow I believe she doesn’t depend much on luck. To view this decision, go here and  find decision # 12-1284. When it comes up click on the blue download in the upper left to view it normally.

Posted in CAvC HCV Ruling | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

CAVC–MELANCON v. SHINSEKI–MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE

Posted on May 1, 2013 by asknod

About a month ago, the famous Malcolm H. Melancon Jr. of asknod fame contacted us (dogs, ponies, feral cat) and asked Nod where we’d been all these years. It was September 27th, 2011 when I wrote up his last adventures in CAVCland. He has traveled far and wide since then. Very far and wide–and, I might add–PRO SE. He went up to the Federal Circus and managed to bag a remand after  losing his April 2011 audition at the Court discussed above.

As we all know, the VA hasn’t even begun to run him through the dejà vu hamster wheel paces we are hauntingly familiar with. He was been sent back to the AMC for his obligatory Fenderson rating fiasco. This is apparently something no one but RVSR and DRO morons can accomplish otherwise we could just get it over with at the BVA without a remand below. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Malcolm had to take a number and sit down (again).

This he has done and they have expeditiously (thirteen months) returned it to the BVA for yet another action-packed decision that fails to solve the problem. Bad justice, bad logic, bad news. I have to hand it to Malcolm. When he came to me, he exclaimed “What am I doing wrong?” Why won’t they address this or that? What is the big mystery?” To which I answered “Why, son (because I’m older) you’re dealing with the VA. They’ll see it when they believe it. Not a moment sooner.”

Malcolm is far wiser today than when he set out on this Odyssey in 1991. He never sought legal help and figured all this out on his own. He went to the Fed. Circus and WON! He did it before he ever found us. That man’s 2001 claim is still viable and being actively pursued as we speak. I convinced him to seek professional help from a good law dog because this is unconscionable. Playing fish on with Malcolm like a King Salmon for twelve years is cruel and unusual punishment by anyone’s standards-anyone’s but the VA’s. They characterize this  pointedly– Justice delayed is not Justice denied.

As you will read, Mr. Melancon wants justice. VA refuses to admit defeat. The two sides are are drawn quite clearly. Va screwed up in 1991 but… Malcolm filed within a year of separation. VA contends they misdiagnosed him and therefore a new, corrected  diagnosis is not CUE. Groves v. Peake is on point here. Hepatitis in service is Hepatitis today unless you have conclusive proof it isn’t. VA contends they tested him and it came up as HBV. A good RNA PCR test, the very next time it was performed by VA ( in  1999), said HCV. Oops? Sorry we screwed up in 91 and you lost out? “Not exactly”, as they say down at Dollar a Day Car Rental. This is what is called a”clearly and unmistakably erroneous” finding. A blood test in 1991 for HCV would have been rarer than a June bug in December. Considering that a) VA doesn’t spend much on anything until it gets cheaper;  b) commercial testing for HCV didn’t become available until 1992; and c) knowledge of said test didn’t even become widespread until 1994, to believe VA actually has documented clinical proof of this in his C-file is earthshaking. I, for one, do not believe it and think it may be time for a CAVC game of Show and Tell. Surprisingly, all this momentous evidence of the 1991 Hepatitis claim is nowhere to be found in the Record Before the Agency. Some of his contemporary service medical records are there but none of the seminal 1991 VA documents, rating sheets or even a 21- 526  are present. Doesn’t this seem strange? Let’s see. Hep filing in 91. Denied. No appeal. Reopen in 2001. Denied, denied, de-oops. Granted. But no files from the 1991 decision to be considered probative. How about someone had to peruse the 1991 records to make sure his 2001 evidence, was in reality, new and material?  Knowing Vets are low-life, conniving hucksters, VA always does this test.

images

Ruh-oh, Rorge. Malcrolm go back to Coo-ooourt! Arf?

Another big problem is VA contends Malcolm is now healed and pure as the driven snow. How many of our dear HCV friends do we know who have relapsed years later? To add insult to injury, VA will not even see reason and look at secondaries due to the Interferon candy he ate. Brain Fog is not Alzheimer’s when you’re 44 years years old.  The arthritis he suffers isn’t due to show up for another thirty years for normal folks. Fibromyalgia and unexplained “bumps” akin to growths are manifesting themselves. VA simply stares at the ceiling and says he’s healed. End of story. 10% for residuals of a bad dream to 2004 and then 0%. No meaningful Fenderson. No CUE. Just a horrendous misunderstanding that, fortunately for Malcolm, has been sorted out and solved to everyone’s satisfaction. Or not.

Malcolm might have been born at night but everyone knows when they’ve been taken to the cleaners. There’s always that  seminal moment when you realize you’ve been pick pocketed. The electric shock of realization has been like a cattle prod driving Malcolm onward all these years. And in a few short weeks after this latest BVA bitchslap, He “got” it.  I love the internet. Google your own name. It’s a hoot.

Back to Malcolm. Check this out. The first document is the BVA doing their Pontius Pilate ceremonial washing of the hands and the remand to the Black Hole ( the Appeals Management Center or AMC) get a new rating  mandated by the Federal Circuit. The second is the travesty of justice and the whitewash. With his newly found legal help, VA is going to discover they cannot “hamster” Malcolm anymore. Welcome home Malcolm. We look forward to a new and final chapter to this saga that will demonstrate that VA can be brought to heel.

Here is the remand.

Following this is the VA badminton return of the serve.

Pardon if we cut to the chase and print the important part.

2013-05-01 1449312013-05-01 144931_22013-05-01 144931_32013-05-01 144931_4

2013-05-01 144931_52013-05-01 144931_62013-05-01 144931_72013-05-01 144931_82013-05-01 144931_92013-05-01 144931_102013-05-01 144931_112013-05-01 144931_122013-05-01 144931_132013-05-01 144931_14

This also explains why we have global warming. Twenty five pages of what was formerly known as a tree were harmed in the making of Malcolm’s rating.

images (1)

Malcolm’s former legal conveyance.

Posted in BvA HCV decisions, CAvC HCV Ruling | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

VA’s NEW PROVISIONAL RATINGS PROCESS

Posted on April 30, 2013 by asknod

When I heard of (and finally understood) the gist of the new provisional ratings announced with great fanfare last week, Blazing Saddles came to mind. More precisely, Cleavon Little as the Western Union Telegram boy.

CANDYGRAM FOR

blog_candy

MR. MONGO!

Mr. Mongo, of course representing unsuspecting Veterans.  Many with outstanding claims have been flocking to Vet help sites this week in astonishing numbers asking all manner of questions about the new VA proposal to expedite claims over one year old and adjudicate them “provisionally”.  Many seem to think this will be a blanket grant—period. Others have moved past that to wondering if it will be a blanket 10% rating until the claim can be adduced properly. Chicken coops are filling up with chickens everywhere and the eggs have yet to hatch.

Back the boat back up to the dock, Gilligan. Let’s perform what the Court of Veterans Appeals is fond of doing and parse the meaning of provisional. Miriam Webster is the tome of choice.

Provisional. adjective. prə-ˈvizh-nəl  — serving for the time being : temporary; not permanent. VA has added a few codicils to the definition.

Would that this were what Vets purport it to be- an executive clemency akin to the IRS accepting your tax return at face value and issuing a refund based on it. This is what many mistakenly believe. Nothing could be further from the truth. VA is preparing to adjudicate claims over a year old based on the same stale, prior methodology riddled with errors. In this iteration, the decisions will still be based on what the VA calls the Evidence of Record or EOR. This is nothing new. VA has done it this way since 1812. The difference in 2013 is that it will be based only on what has been amassed during the gathering of evidence phase. If your claim has been on the back burner due to evidence needed from the Social Security, you may be in bad shape. VA is renowned for rating without those records knowing full well it is wrong and will provoke a remand on appeal. Now they have been ordered to do it and rules be damned.

What if the claims file is incomplete? What if a doctor’s nexus letter with the strategic IMO is missing or filed in another Vet’s C-File? Claim denied. Next? Simply  switching from   33¹⁄ ³ RPM to 45 does not fix anything. VA has no plans to do anything quite so daring as to go out on the little branches and grant service connection for big ticket items. Tinnitus and hemorrhoids will make up the majority of this nouveau method-if at all. Hearing loss for 0% will be handed out like plastic necklaces at Mardi Gras.

The majority  of serious, big ticket items like cancers and back injuries will be given the usual lip service and denied. Remember that these folks operate like a major insurance company. Granting claims is anathema to them. If this were an honest poker game, you would expect to see more than 12 to 15% of claims granted. Certainly some of the TBI and more egregious loss of limb claims will be granted but most of those are already expedited seamlessly right out of the service. All the old Agent Orange claims are reputed to have been accomplished. What does that leave? Good question.

Claims to the VA come in all shapes and sizes. VA makes no effort to sort claims out involving combat injuries from §1151 claims for medical malpractice . Increases of existing claims ratings, pensions, burial benefits, Dependency and Indemnity Compensation for widows and their orphan child(children) are all lumped into one big pie of claims at Regional offices. Keep that in mind when you think of a claim being over a year old. Simply getting a copy of your C-file to defend yourself can take as long as having the whole claim adjudicated. I know two Vets who are contemplating filing Extraordinary Writs just to compel VASEC to release them.

And while this drags on, keep these statistics in mind. Fifty three (53) Veterans die every day still waiting for their savior to grant their claims and pay for years of remuneration-interest free, of course. Twenty two Veterans lose all hope and take their own lives every day after being told they’ll be seen by mental health professionals in two weeks- 10 weeks later.

And now the VA has spun the Panacea Wheel of Fortune once again for Congress. When the President took Gen. Shinseki aside last week and politely told him that this was an embarrassment of epic proportions, it was understood that there would be a significant reduction in antique claims.  The clear implication was that the obvious claims could be granted without studious examination. Minituae like correct effective date and proper percentage could be hashed out at a later date. It was assumed that there would be some error and overcompensation but that, too,  that would be ironed out in time. What the hey? They know where we are. We’re not liable to abscond with our $28,ooo.00 retro check to Rio de Janeiro  never to be seen again. The clear mandate was to eradicate the overage and placate Vets.

VA simply cannot bring themselves to do this. Its like calling in an airstrike on your own position. The Under Secretary for Benefits and her minions have now miraculously construed  Obama’s admonition to be nothing more than a greatly speeded-up version of their present, outmoded “You report. We decide.” process. In this brave new version Vets can move right along to their appeals much faster. Thus “provisional” to USB Hickey is subjective and open to interpretation. I envisage Foghorn Leghorn talking to the little Veteran chickenhawk:

images

“I say Boy, you don’t seem to be apprehending the general gist of what I’m trying to convey here. Maybe you oughtta take a second, let your head catch up to your tongue before it gets all sunburnt.  Provisional rating? Lawdy, where did you hear of that, boy? Provisional rating? Why, you must be dreaming. Hoo-haaa. Provisional rating indeed!”

And best of all, it was announced today that all bonuses for VBA employees are on hold. Really. That’s not a joke. VA actually had to announce this with a straight face. Only three lucky employees attained the highest remuneration for duty above and beyond the call last year. That would be the top slot bonus of $23,091.00. Veterans are understandably terse of jaw about this considering the 100% service connected Vet only gets $2,813.00 a month for an annual $33,792.00. Were the VBA performing up to par, I doubt anyone would object. They’re not (performing) and we are (terse of jaw). This  cannot bode well for the Orlando HR, Karaoke and Golf getaways in June and July.

Posted in VA BACKLOG | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

FACECAT

Posted on April 28, 2013 by asknod

Today’s winner:

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Second Place:

935794_534403816598501_1487450664_n

Posted in FACE HUMOR, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

FACESNEEZE

Posted on April 27, 2013 by asknod

Presneeze  (presnz)      noun.

That awkward moment  with eyes closed before you cut loose with the physical exhalation. synonym prechoo!  (verb)

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Posted in FACE HUMOR | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

LIFE IN THE WAR LANE–UNCLAIMED

Posted on April 27, 2013 by asknod

I got this from a fellow Vet who is aware of my summer vacation in the Land of the Hmong in 1970. It strikes home as all who served there knew we were in Indian country. With no laws and the Geneva Convention Protocols a sham, if you were captured it was akin to Mission: Impossible-If you are captured, your government will disavow any knowledge of you or your actions. We wore civilian attire and carried Laotian driver’s licences. Some had USAID ID. Others who worked for Air America and wore the uniform had a modus vivendi with the Pathet Lao and could be “bought” back. Not so for American soldiers and airmen.

The movie is about John Robertson, a Special Forces trooper doing what we all did-sightseeing. He had his chopper shot out from under him and that was all she wrote.  I strongly suspect he succumbed to the effects of extensive interrogation and brainwashing. No one of sane mind would opt to stay of his own free will.

imagesP.S. Now with all that said, I received this from several knowledgeable individuals:

 

Some info indicates the man is a fraud.  The missionary named Tom Faunce, has been involved in raising funds from other POW families.  It is what it is…I sure don’t know the truth.

http://lcweb2.loc.gov/frd/pwmia/S134_4/2.pdf

http://www.macvsog.cc/john_hartly_rob.htm

http://www.fakewarriors.org/phonies/phonies486.htm

http://vietnam-wall.myarmedforces.com/profile/44354/John_Robertson#

http://www.powhrdlicka.com/downloads/2009LiveSightings.pdf

http://tinyurl.com/cyuqbbk

In 2008, Mr. Ngoc was taken to the U.S. Embassy in Phnom Penh (Cambodia) to check for fingerprints. Vân tay của ông Ngọc được gửi về Mỹ để kiểm tra và ngày 13/2/2009, Cục điều tra Liên bang Mỹ (FBI) kết luận vân tay của ông Ngọc không khớp với vân tay chính thức của cựu binh Robertson. His fingerprints were sent to the U.S. to Jade checks and on 02.13.2009, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) concluded his fingerprints did not match the fingerprint Jade’s official veterans Robertson.

According to reports from families of men who are missing in Vietnam, there is an individual or small group of individuals contacting, POW/MIA family members, activist and individuals within the Vietnamese community. Their story is always the same; they have access to one or more POWs and they can get them home.

Money isn’t mentioned at first. These unscrupulous individuals first
establish a rapport with their intended victim. They provide small
pieces of information, all readily available through public documents,
or gleaned from conversations with the family member over a period of
time. Then they provide photos. Most of the recent reporting centers
on John Hartley Robertson lost in Vietnam on May 20th 1968. In some
cases when a family member is contacted they will be told their loved
one is held with Robertson, thus making it very personal.

Since last June, at least 8 individuals have been approached to help
“rescue” John Hartley Robertson. At least two individuals provided
funds to assist in the “rescue.”

We report. You decide.

Posted in All about Veterans | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

HOIST ON HIS OWN PETARD

Posted on April 27, 2013 by asknod

april fools 002

Rarely, just rarely, mind you, can you put one over on me. You have to be slick and svelte. It helps if you’re one of my immediate family where the trust is implicit.

As most know. April Fool’s Day is my birthday and it is my signature event of the year. A good joke will be your reward for just waking up on the 1st. To have the tables turned on me is simply unheralded in my memory and certainly not in my lexicon. So I was nonplussed to be greeted by my daughter this morning who came over “because she loves me and wanted to visit”.

I have April Fooled everyone in my family to death over the last 25 or 30 years. My daughter (Princess) felt the need for a little comeuppance. I tell all that I do not believe in conspiracies. I stand corrected. She found a large, plastic melon which was extremely realistic and smuggled it into my winter broccoli which never materialized until Spring. On April Fool’s day, of course. Being paralyzed from the neck up, as most men my age, I blithely marched past it during my rounds in the garden for a week. The phone rang off the hook with calls from Heidi to Cupcake all week long. Nivan, one of Cupcake’s real estate agents came over and tried to lead me into it on the magic day but I was too preoccupied.

“So show me your purple broccoli, Buckwheat.” she cajoled. I walked out onto the deck with her and pointed down to the food patch.

“Over yonder. See all the purple?” And with that, I did an about face and left her standing there for my appointment with the American Red Cross for my phlebotomy.

When I found it a week later, I thought it was one of my grandson’s play balls. Next, I was convinced it had grown there under glass all winter and had somehow dehydrated over time. It only weighed about 8 ounces-surprisingly light.  By rights, it would have rotted but sometimes the brain overwhelms Occam’s Razor and you theorize endlessly on how it came to pass. Keep in mind, finding it a week after April Fool’s Day completely disconnected the two events or I might have caught on. I didn’t. It was an extremely good caricature considering it was plastic.

When I came in with it, Cupcake was all atwitter and helped to theorize on how it had come to pass. After several minutes she disappeared into the pantry and it sounded as though she had swallowed her tongue. She insisted something “had gone down the wrong pipe.”

A week later and Nivan showed up again. Considering I only see Nivan about once a month, this was history in the making. She, too, was intrigued about the mystery melon, asked to opine and weighed it in her hand and her mind. Each time this happened they would give each other a curious look. Once again, Cupcake scurried into the pantry and the muffled sounds of retching, or what seemed like it,  began again. Since I had Vets to help, I headed for the Nodroom and the computer. Within five seconds there were gales- nay, thunderstorms of laughter coming from the kitchen. With my poor hearing,  I decided not to investigate. Usually  I get the “It’s a real estate joke. You wouldn’t get it.”

Another agent (Deb) came over yesterday-now a full 26 days after the day of jesters and Fool’s- and I shared the mystery with her. She did everything in her power to keep a straight face from what I was told today. She never bites her lip and she did it constantly. Again, as I left through the sliding glass door to go out to the garden, another gully washer of laughter and choking sounds ushered me out. Enough of women. I had cucumbers to grow.

Today, Princess showed up and they all congregated in the kitchen talking about one thing and another. Finally Heidi picked up the melon and asked if I had read the writing on the bottom. Of course I hadn’t. There was none. Melons don’t have writing on them.

To give you an idea of  the width and breadth this despicable joke traveled, My daughter went down to California to visit her best friend and texted Cupcake daily to find out if I had figured it out. No only did it become interstate humor, one of our good friends is traveling in Romania and has been getting international updates texted to her daily. I’m sure Mirolena will be overjoyed to know the jig is up.

So with humor for all and malice toward none, my little Princess hornswoggled me at my own game- for 27 days no less. Conspiracies were hatched.   Updates were issued daily to Europe and California. I am humbled beyond words. I am also blessed with a year to come up with a suitable rejoinder.

Now, in all fairness to me, due to the extended exposure in the soil prior to discovery, the writing on the bottom had become almost invisible.   The Princess’ visit was to “re-ink” it so I could see it. Otherwise, I was prepared to cut into it and get the seeds out for Spring planting. I was spared that indignity. Thank goodness there are only 30 days in April.

april fools 003

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

VSOs CONTEMPLATING SURCHARGE

Posted on April 26, 2013 by asknod

In an attempt to stem their expected losses following the revelations of exorbitant CEO pay, the Big Six VSOs announced plans today to institute a temporary surcharge on Vets for helping them with their VA claims.

James Robert “Jimbob” Sniffalot, who drew the short straw, was trotted out to do the press release yesterday  in the bar at the VFW headquarters in DC. Nursing a Jack and Coke, he bemoaned the mainstream media attack on Veterans Service Organizations and their devoted employees.

“In light of the Sequestration and the expected drop in donations and membership, it is with heavy heart that we announce the need to institute a means test on all Veterans and begin charging a small pittance for representing them before the Veterans Administration. This miniscule fee, amounting to no more than 20% of a Veteran’s award, will be collected following his grant. We do not see a need for a higher percentage because we’ve agreed to suck it in and go lean. We feel the pain of our Vets and we commiserate with them but we simply cannot sustain our losses at this time. With the advent of the Sequestration, funds available to us from Congress are slated to dry up.” said Sniffalot.

When queried about this more closely, Sniffalot admitted Congress was not cutting them short but intimated that “they might and we simply have to consider that possibility”.  When pushed for some type of corroboration for his comments, Sniffalot was vociferous about the possibility of forged IRS Form 990s that have appeared recently. ” We have enemies in this business. The lawyers who represent Vets have it in for us. They’re the ones behind this. They’re greedy and want more than the 20% they gouge now” We’re simply mirroring the industry standard at 20%.”

It appears with the recent reports of extravagant pay and vacations on the Riviera for “Veterans Affairs Conferences” that most or all of the Big Six will hunker down and deny the IRS Form 990s released in the last few weeks are wholly representative of their CEOs’ pay. The American Legion went so far as to release the new location of their 2013 extravaganza as Peoria, Iowa rather than their original choice of Kapalua on Maui citing the economy as a reason. “We are just want to spend our member’s dollars in America rather than take them to the overseas” said AmLeg spokesperson Amanda Chursprudethsha. When it was pointed out that Kapalua and indeed Maui were American possessions, Ms. Chursprudethsha was taken aback. “Did this occur recently?We don’t get out much here in the New Delhi.” When it was pointed out that Peoria was actually in Illinois rather than Iowa, Miss Chursprudthsha was at a further loss for words exclaiming “We just release what the Legion has given for us. It is very possible Illinois is in Peoria.”

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FACIAL HUMOR

Posted on April 25, 2013 by asknod

Dennis put this on my social media register. Well spoken.

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