Golly doggies. I never thought I’d see the blame game rise to such a vociferous he said-she said level. I read this morning that an Arizona couple decided to self-medicate with chloroquine phosphate. He died and she’s sicker than a dog. Apparently, our discredited President told them to take it.  That dramatically moves the goalposts of the “it’s not my fault” theory of law. I wonder if she plans to sue?  It is decidedly different than a genuine prescription of  chloroquine which is what we ate in Vietnam to reduce our chances of coming down with malaria. Chloroquine phosphate is used to clean fish aquariums. I’m gonna go out on a limb and bet the container said it’s not for human consumption. Similar warnings abound on Erythromycin antibiotics and other medications used in fish aquariums. This looks more and more like a Darwin Award candidate from the dry lake bed end of the gene pool. 

Cupcake and I no longer have fish pets. My three-year old son turned up the aquarium heater back in 1990 and cooked a pair of breeding discus fish with offspring.  Fortunately, that insulates us against this very same medication mistake. An interesting aside here is that we innovative Vietnam airmen were reduced to crushing up hydroxychloroquine tablets and mixing them with soda water or Perrier to approximate tonic water for our Tanqueray and tonics during afternoon tea. You can’t drink gin straight unless it’s properly chilled to 32 degrees and you aim the vermouth bottle towards Paris. This incidentally might explain why we had a substantially lower rate of malaria infections than our Army and Marine counterparts. I disremember anybody dying from too many G&Ts.

Our Governor finally announced yesterday afternoon everyone has to tremble in place and refrain from going out in public for several weeks until this blows over. Frankly, I find this disturbing. Who’s delivering the food? Are they virus-free? What about the mail delivery associate? Hey, being isolated with Cupcake, Pickles and the rest of the tribe is not mentally excruciating. I’m not a gadabout anyway. I spend 99% of my time right here in the asknod cockpit hammering out legal briefs and these inane blogs. The Governor’s blurb includes a list of all the services which are considered essential and will continue to be open. The list runs to twenty pages. Hell, marijuana and booze were at the very top of his essential list. By the time I read the whole article, it was apparent they could have made a very short list of who were required by law to stay home and say everybody else was free to roam about the country on Southwest. Based on this, 77% are essential folks who are required to work. How is that going to prevent the spread? After two weeks, us 33% all come out of hibernation and get hit with the bug. Steer clear of the aquarium water.

America is resilient. We fought two wars-three if you count Korea. Vietnam doesn’t count according to the VFW because it was a lowly “conflict”. Okay. I concede they changed the rules and accept Veterans who are not “war” Veterans now. Of course they’re accepting just   about anyone now to help hold up the bar- including Stolen Valor types. In any event, the Corona ‘cough and die’ syndrome will go down in history books as particularly virulent… like SARS and MERS. Could be we’ll never shake hands again and continue to bump elbows. Could be a lot of old folks will punch out to a heavenly zip code from it. Endless conjecture will solve nothing. Ditto worrying until you’re reduced to tears. If you’re poor, quit eating and go on that diet guaranteed to make you lose 35 pounds in two weeks. Your friends will be pea green with envy when they see you again.

I looked in Facebook this morning before beginning this tome and was mortified to see all the caterwauling, ‘sackcloth as fashion’ and ashes being anointed on foreheads across our fruity plains. I remember a FNG who arrived in-country one monsoon day back in early September 1970. He talked endlessly about anything and everything around us. It plumb drove us crazy. “So what do you do on weekends around here?” “What was that noise?” “What days do the dinks usually hit us ?” “Do we have to get permission to shoot back?” “Do you prefer to call them dinks or gooks?” ” Why do you count to two before you throw your hand grenades?” And on and on… for a year. I’d hazard a guess he was still asking questions when he got on the 130 Klong flight to go back to the World 364 wakeups later. “What time do we arrive in Oakland? Are they serving dinner on this flight?”  I wouldn’t be surprised if he helped invent FacePlace® with ol’ Mark Whazzisbutt 25 years later. LORD, that man could lay down some word cable. And yes, we nicknamed him “Chatty Cathy doll” or Doll for short. That was probably the longest year of his life. I’d hate to be his wife for the next two weeks. That would be cruel and unusual punishment.

If you set March 1st as the beginning of corona ‘wokeness’, then we’re into this about 24 days. That’s a mighty short time to develop catastrophe dementia. World War Two gave us Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Stewart. Korea bequeathed Elvis Presley on us. The Cold War begat bomb shelters. Vietnam begat the Rolling Stones and the SACO Arms M 60 Pig. I used to sing ‘Satisfaction’ by Mick and the boys to keep the barrel cool-.i.e. only shooting during the guitar riffs.  I don’t remember sitting around crying or going into a deep funk. Sure you got depressed when your buddies didn’t come back to the airpatch and land at 1700. That’s why we got up the next day at O dark thirty and flew back over the PDJ and killed them right back. We’ll conquer this corona bug and move on the same way. You guys and gals sure don’t need a pep talk from me. I don’t do parades either. Relax. We’re Americans. We can win anything if the politicians get out of the way.

One thing we can be sure of is that when this fustercluckery abates, we’ll still be here. Well, most of us. Some of us will be forced to build detached garages or small outbuildings to house all that OCD toilet paper and hand sanitizer binge shopping. Maybe a new gun safe for all those new rifles and pistols. You’ll eventually use it. I stuck all mine up in the attic. Another trick I learned a long time ago out birdhunting with my dad (and later on in Vietnam). If one of our dogs hung on barbed wire, we’d have to carry them back to the car and sew them up. “Doctor” Henry would shave a forearm and hit them with Ace Promazine and surgically clean the wound area with Jack Daniels or Black and White scotch. Of course, the surgeon (Dr. Dad) performed a short obeisance ceremony towards Kentucky or Scotland before oral cleansing (as well as any assistants). I never got any because I was about 7. Nevertheless, the concept of liquor as an antiseptic was born in my mind. So relax. If you think you’re going Bingo on hand sanitizer, do an inventory of all that low rent booze left over from your Christmas party and repurpose it if necessary. The next several weeks are going to call for some of us to reinvent our lives. It may even require thinking inside the liquor cabinet. Boy howdy I don’t know what to say about the marijuana thing. Damned if you do- and frankly-quite possibly damned if you don’t. If you’re addicted and not very adventurous,  you’re in for a long drying out period. Conversely, if you choose to drive down to Crazy Patty’s Pot Shoppe, which will be open because it’s on the “essentials” list the Governor published, you run the risk of getting pulled over by Officer Friendly to ask just why in Sam Hill you think you should be out and about. I can spot the stoners around here now. They’re the ones sitting at stop signs waiting for them to turn green.

Pickles and I are now on album III of Babble© Spanish for dogs. Cupcake swears she thinks Princess can say Hola but it’s sketchy. It’s identical to that noise she makes when she looks you square in the eye and barfs after eating too much horse manure. As for that eeeeoww at the end of her yawn, I think every dog does that-so I’m thinking about asking for a refund.

Tengo que usar el baño.

Pickles is letting herself go on personal hygiene. She hasn’t shaved or taken a bath in weeks. More anon. Be safe.