NAVAL INTELLIGENCE


Received from the Oorah contingent (who else?) this morning is an interesting commentary on the relative intelligence of Officers versus Non-Commissioned Officers. Far too often, the commands come down from above in “Make it so, Numbah One!” format. This has to be translated into a comprehensive order that can be implemented intelligently and competently such that the desired outcome actually transpires. This is where the genius if the NCO enters. 

Likewise, when tasked with getting the most bang for the buck, an NCO has to make do with far less than the tools given him or her. Ingenuity abounds in this sector if the NCO has an innovative persona as we see here.

Retirement Bonus
 

   The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early
Retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for
Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
Between any two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what
those two points would be.
 
   The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of
his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.
 
   The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked
Out with $96,000.
   The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who,
when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’
   It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had
received.

   But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him
providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
   The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ’em,’
which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of
the Chief’s weenie and began to work back. “Dear Lord!”, he suddenly
exclaimed,

”Where are your testicles?”

The old Chief calmly replied, ” Vietnam ”.

The inevitable joke always pops up several minutes later. Seems the Army folks always have to contribute their views on the subject of the Navy. Which brings to mind what I encountered when I went to sign up. The recruiter looked me in the eye and said ” Son, you seem to be reasonably intelligent. Why would you want to join the Navy? You’re stuck on a ship with no women (in 1970) and everyone has BO. In the Army, you have to march from here to eternity with a heavy load. The Marines aren’t much better and have lousy food. The best one is the Air Force. You don’t have to sail, march or hike there. They have good food and they fly you to your destination in a real airplane-not one of those shaky rotary wing affairs called a chopper. So, what will it be?

 Womens’ Quarters aboard ships- 2017

Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private “OFF LIMITS” area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, “female sleeping quarters will be “out-of-bounds” for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.” He continued, “Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a Marine Gunnery Sergeant from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired…

“How much for a season pass?”

 

About asknod

VA claims blogger
This entry was posted in Humor, Vietnam Disease Issues, Vietnam War history and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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