As most know by now, PEOTUS Trump has anointed David Shulkin to the post. Shulkin is McDonald’s #2 in charge of Medical or VHA as they acronymize it. This is the equal rank of the Undersecretary for Benefits over at the Veterans Benefits Administration (VBA). Call me Bob is like the Big Cheese supervising a doctor and a lawyer and they’re both boneheads. Well, better said the gomers who work for them are not the mental giants who walk among us. If they were, they wouldn’t be in the news.
Fool’s names and fool’s faces who frequently appear in public VA places get the Sharon Helman “AVIS®” Award. To be obscure is the name of this game. As mommy admonished us when we were young, ” You should only be in the newspapers three times-birth, marriage and death.”
Veterans everywhere I turn are lamenting this new VASEC development much like cattle ready to stampede- but unsure where to go. Why is Trump hiring out from under the existing VASEC? Shulkin is not a Vet but he comes from a family of Vets. I’m sure that counts for something like ” Yeah, and I watched Full Metal Jacket too, dude so I know where you’re comin’ from.” Hey, we could do worse, right? The halls of 810 Vermont Ave. could be redolent with the aroma of Palin’s patchouli oil. McDonald had a phone number. Will Mr. Shulkin? Will Trump have that hotline to the White House just for Vets we heard about on the campaign trail? All these queshuns and we’re knee deep in depression over what might happen and what this morning’s chicken entrails app portended. Seven years bad luck on Facebook and a low sodium diet. Bummer. What’s an enterprising VA Agent to do?
Snow Flake Havens®
That’s why I’m considering opening a franchise of Snowflake Havens®. You can get into this for peanuts- less than $500 K. Everything’s on-line at Office Depot and delivered right to your door. Thousands of Vets need a place to go to hide and hug a woobie. For a measly $89.99 upgrade, they provide a Bob McDonald’s Happy Meal daily delivered by a dead ringer for Colonel Sanders who will personally dine in one of their cozy two-person Sharing Tents™ for the catered lunch date. Liquor is not included but Vets can run a tab at the well drinks bar on site. They have selfie sticks for rent. Relax.
Crayons, Sharpies, oils, water colors-even magic markers all on large easels to hold those future paintings and treasures while you transfer your anger into them- it’s all there. Snow flake Havens®, as part of the franchise offer, also offers excellent deals on previously owned ambulances to ensure safe quick transport from work meltdown to the Emergency entrances of Snowflake Trauma Havens. They’ll have six beds in ICU and four for intense mental denial just waiting for you at the regional trauma centers. This increases billable Medicare hours astronomically.
Hire your own certified Advanced Registered Practical Nurse (ARNP) on site to maximize profits. They can legally administer soothing narcotics and mood altering Diazapam to quell even the most obstreperous Veteran. I penciled it out and it’s a goldmine. VAMCs will begin referrals to you on the VA Choice Program but refuse to pay for a year. Even with that negative this generates $38,500 a month per Vet profit with a full house of 10 Vets -even with high crayon theft.
This could all go to hell in a minute if Shulkin actually turns the USS Vermont Avenue violently around and avoids going up on the rocks just before Promised Shoals. If he does, Snow flake Havens are going to be ghost towns.
Let these folks greet you and make you feel right at home Here’s one of the staff members demonstrating how comforting it can feel to be near Snowflake Haven’s “Fort Fireplace.”