Lucy in Disguise with Diamond earrings.

No one would think we could make this up and create a fantasy background for some of VA’s illustrious employees. You ‘d think no one employed there could engage in these repeated comedies of errors. You’d think the VA was a professional outfit with (some) ex-Veterans who have a level head on their shoulders. So much for interpolative thinking. Think paralyzed from the neck up civilians and you’ll be closer to the mark.

Member Doc Jules recently sent me the inside scoop on how to get your claim on the fast track in Philly. It was all so simple even a caveman could accomplish it in short order.  For the paltry sum of thirty five dollars (US) you could have attended one of the Assistant Manager of the Philadelphia Regional Office’s seances. It’s presumed that this would also accord one an “in” with Ms. Filipov and grease the skids of VA justice. Lord knows they need some lubricant-any petroleum jelly- just to attain this new 125-day/98% accuracy deadline for 2015. Remember, there are only 201 days left and not all are workdays. Alas, you missed out. Lucy had to fold the seance tent and return to legitimate work.

I thought Doc was kidding until I read the VA’s OIG monthly report on how they have saved us another ton of shekels. But lo, there it was in glorious black and white with official header- Lucy had struck out in the bottom of the ninth and is going to be relegated to engaging in mundane pursuits like Tupperware™ parties henceforth.

Bribery would probably be considered far too heavy handed anywhere but the VA but there it is apparently a valuable tool for excavating problem claims. Not since the eighties have we seen the “pay to play” VA game so blatantly employed. Some of you may be too young to remember when the Puerto Rico VARO was actually run out of the Columbia, South Carolina RO. They had a thriving business of advancing claims from PR for a “suitable remuneration” of  X hundred dollars. This was before the Office of Inspector Gadget (OIG) was officially (dis)organized and set up. Someone got short shrift and complained as they always do. Down came the house of cards and everyone had to revert back to the ages-old method of taking a number and a seat on the Group W(ait) bench. And thus was born the San Juan Office.

Seems one unhappy camper didn’t get the right fortune cookie at Lucy’s little tea leaf reading party. Obviously Lucille is not Mensa material if she thought she could keep this under wraps. Ms. Filipov will now have to reinvent herself and come out with a new persona. I like the sound of Filipov the All-Knowing with apologies to Johnny Carson and Karnak.  Assuming Paul McCartney doesn’t object too strenuously, we can expect a takeoff on Lucy in the Sky-with chicken entrails…

Some may remember Miz Lucy has been in the news recently. I attach her foibles during her short tenure as Acting Director of Fort Fumble from an earlier post -https://asknod.wordpress.com/2014/07/16/va-we-want-our-splendid-isolation-back/

That Lucy is still employed at VA and even occupies a slightly lower pay grade below Director Diana Reubens is a minor miracle in itself equal to or exceeding the metastasization of bread and wine in Biblical times by Jesus. Getting caught trying to eavesdrop on Representative Miller’s congressional sleuthing team would normally get you the pink slip in any other government job. I’m gonna go waaaay out on the little branches and hypothesize she’s a close cousin of Secretary Bob. Either that or she is Numbah One GI prognosticator and highly valued down in Foggy bottom at the corner of Delay Way and Deny Ave. NW. And. like Karnak, they keep her under wraps up in Philly out of the limelight. Never show your strengths.