In a surprising ruling, the Office of General Counsel ( OGC-027) issued a binding ruling called an OGC Precedent henceforth forbidding deceased Veterans from changing their future VA medical appointments. This appears to be in response to increasingly larger numbers of Veterans who have begun this practice in an effort to make the VHA “look bad” according to former head Dr. Robert Petzel.
” It appears that Veterans are not content to badmouth the VA , and the VHA in particular” said Petzel, former head of the Veterans Health Administration. “This new stunt is just an attempt to grab attention away from our hard-working VA schedulers who are performing yeoman service trying to get everyone in to see a doctor in a timely manner. Dying and then pushing out your appointment several months is no way to go about receiving timely care.”
The contretemps seems to be centered this week around a Marine, former Corporal Jordan Buisman, who contrived a plan to purposefully die and then successfully rise from the dead four days later and ask to have his appointment changed to mid-January in 2015. VA officials report this phenomenon is occurring with increasing frequency and attribute it to a nationwide attempt to bring discredit on the VA following the VA scheduling misunderstanding in Phoenix, California.
VA spokesperson Sharon Helman cited the latest VA statistics showing no less than 4,000 Veterans have tried to employ this “stunt” as she referred to it in a desperate attempt to gain Facebook recognition and their 15 minutes of Andy Warhol fame. Said Helman: “We’re onto you so it won’t work. You might as well just stay dead and take the appointment assigned to you. Nothing can be gained by trying to do this.”
VA officials off the record complained that Veterans aren’t “playing fair” and said those who die from VA inaction should accept it. VA Secretary Robert MacDonald insisted that all this happened before he “hit the LZ so I don’t own it.”
It remains to be seen how VA medical officials will treat the newly dead and whether they’ll be able to return the dead back into living Vets. “Said Helman: “You’d be surprised at what VA medical personnel can do nowadays. We’re cutting edge and we have assets others in the civilian community do not have access to. Why, look what we’ve done for Mayor Rahm Emanuel up in Chicago. He can tell you we work miracles.”