HOW REAL VETS GET RID OF MOLES


Win Or Die LogoReal Vets-as opposed to girlymen Vets- are renowned for having the gitterdone gene. We also are endowed with a desire to live life vicariously. We are easy to spot due to large numbers of scars and being on a first-name basis with most folks down at our local hospital emergency room. You know who you are. You’re the guy/gal whose arms look like junkies from so many tetanus shots.

What I’m about to show you is not widely known or practiced but is virtually guaranteed to rid you of these pesky critters in short order. The ingredients are elementary for most of us. Please check with local codes so as not to be arrested for utilizing explosive devices in controlled areas such as playgrounds.

1) Heavy duty wet/dry vacuum cleaner

2) Propane bottle and associated hose paraphernalia

3) Flamethrower or similar device such as a roofing torchdown tool or weed burner. In lieu of this we advocate a 5-foot long ignition device over a simple Bic lighter.

Let us proceed.

2014-09-16 09.03.27Step 1)  Self explanatory. Locate an active thoroughfare.

Step 2) Vacuum out the pile of dirt to expose the tunnel in the incoming direction. Make sure it’s clean and open enough to insert the propane hose.

2014-09-16 09.05.25

Step 3) Insert the propane hose about 6-10 inches into the hole

2014-09-16 09.06.21

Step 3) Backfill carefully to prevent backflow and tamp down firmly.

2014-09-16 09.07.36

Step 4) Turn on propane tank at about 1/3 gallon an hour to flood the entire length of the tunnel(s). Propane gas is heavier than air and will naturally sink to the lowest chambers first. Since the moles are not too highly evolved, they do not recognize that stinky smell of Mercaptan nor the gradual loss of oxygen being supplanted with the propane.

Step 5) (Optional) Using the vacuum cleaner after a suitable period, remove the excess dirt around the entry again. Hook up your ignition device and stand on the back side of the hole facing away from the entry so as not to be in a direct line when ignition occurs. Safety glasses and ear protection are suggested. Protect windows and cars in a direct path from the hole with suitable protection such as a sheet of plywood. Small rocks launched with great velocity and broke things the first time I did this. Knowledge is power and saves on repair bills.

Step 6)  Approach mole hole cautiously with lit ignition device. Hold lit flamethrower near entrance to hole until propane gas ignites. We suggest turning on the No Smoking light prior to this step.

Step 7) Repeat as necessary until mole infestation abates.

I use a weed burner that throws a flame approximately 8 feet. I have still experienced singed arm and eyebrow hair hence my suggestion to stand behind the hole’s entrance.

Bon chance with your hunting endeavours.

P.S. I forgot to add this. If your equipment is in good order, you can turn the propane bottle upside down and inject liquid propane directly in much faster and with far more interesting results. See below.

2014-09-16 11.46.19 2014-09-16 11.48.01

About asknod

VA claims blogger
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7 Responses to HOW REAL VETS GET RID OF MOLES

  1. Vicki Foley says:

    You should shop the movie studios and pitch this for a story line. See if you can get Bill Murray to play the lead? Wait a minute, come to think of it, this already sounds familiar. Never mind…

  2. SquidlyOne says:

    Moles have a special hemoglobin so they can survive in tunnels without oxygen. Have to burn them out. Looks like your method is a good way to dig for new landscaping. I always had good luck with the old tines and plate on a spring. When the earth gets disturbed the tines go into the tunnel and skewer them. My main problem is the ground squirrels. Their holes are small but when the dog gets through with them the hole is a cave.

  3. mark says:

    I wait for them and when I see the Hole moving I shove my shot gun down the hole or better yet its a perfect job for a 22L, I like your Napalm Idea, bring that puppy over to my place, I am tired of blowing holes in my Lawn.

  4. WGM says:

    Fire In The Hole.
    Smells like victory.

  5. John King says:

    You should have been at Iwo Jima! It is possible you are just bored and need something to blow up now and then. When I was a young kid I and others misfits put booby trap in back of a little old lady’s yard and caught her. Other time we rigged box of dirt on top of door to neighborhood doll house and caught Sunday school teacher/mother as she opened the door to look in at where her sweet little monster had been playing. She call neighbor who was judge for young offenders and there I was again denying this and that. I learned at young age to lie, lie and then lie some more. This has helped me dealing with VA because it takes one to know one. VA shrink would definitely dx me as sociopathic and anti-social while I was just bored like AskNod and his mole flamethrower.

  6. Karen S. says:

    Gitterdone!!!!! Is this why hubby calls me “Sarge?

  7. Frank says:

    Holy Moley!

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