Member Cal spotted this one. I was pulled over twice this way and both times managed to convince the cop not to haul me in. It was back in the era just prior to breathalyzers, of course. This true story below just demonstrates that Veterans are a higher life form with more innovative, problem-solving capabilities than their civilian counterparts. The Vet automatically gets a three-point, home field advantage because it occurred in Tennessee.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Bristol, TN . After last call, the officer noticed a Vet leaving the VFW bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The ex-soldier stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other  patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off–it was a fine, dry summer night–, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights.  After revving the engine repeatedly, he moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the Vet over and administered a breathalyzer test.

 To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the  Vet had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said,”I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

”I doubt it,” said the Marine.”Tonight I’m the designated decoy”.