Face it. VA is like any Government Agency. The penchant for turning everything into a fancy acronym has finally given birth to whole agency offices with acrotanks-think tanks of sub-IQ GS 10s entrusted with turning everything they can into some 3 to 6-letter combo which everyone is expected to understand. This gave birth to an adjunct office tasked with creating a tome on what all these acronyms stand for. Remember way back in the early seventies when they said “Watch this. Computers are going to reduce our workload down to the point that we can manage the whole shiteree from the beach w/ a Corona in one hand and a Dick Tracy wrist gizmo on the other.” You gotta remember these are also the idiots that gave us the IRS and the Post Office. And the present iteration of the Department of Veterans Affairs.
Opening Day of Zucchini Season
You have to admit, we’ve been bombarded with a shit ton of VA bad news in the last fortnight. First there was the ‘we outta money, honey’ story to Congress. Following on the heels of that $ 3 Billion dollar beggar’s report, I spotted this in my news feed:
https://www.stripes.com/veterans/2024-07-31/veterans-disability-claims-errors-14684023.html
I almost felt sympathy thinking of the financial bind for Veterans in that VA had accidentally given Vets too much money instead of the opposite. I needn’t have worried. True to form, it was the reverse- VA screwing Vets of of their lawful entitlements. Funny how that M 21 manual always instructs them on how to do it wrong…but there’s never a VA mea culpa moment where you get the (800) 827-1000 apology in three part harmony. The closest thing I’ve ever seen is “A clear and unmistakable error was detected in the rating decision of 11/21/2002. Your rating for tinnitus is increased from 0% to 10% from 3/20/2002 to 5/12/2002 whereupon it is confirmed and continued at 0%.”
So, it was no surprise to see this on the front page of the Zeros for Heroes magazine this morning. Waaaay back in ’94 when I finally filed for Nehmer issues, VA sent me a three-pager with a request that I show up on July ___ , ’94 for my Agent Orange Registry exam at American Lake VAMC. They thoughtfully dreamed up this nothing burger in 1978 as a panacea for their poison. You’ll also notice they gave us all nothing until Miz Beverly Nehmer got up and fought for us in ’89.
Like all of you, I showed up with a folder full of proof . The booth bitch just gave me that 1000-yard stare and said “Nope. I don’t see nothing about no appointment. Go have a seat and I’ll get back to you.” An hour later, I got handed a three-pager on a clipboard asking me where I’d been stationed (I-IV Corps), how many times I thought I might have been “exposed” (and how) and any and all symptoms I personally felt were related to this innocuous weedkiller. Like I’m a doctor?
I was told I’d be rescheduled for a real exam with a real doctor to fix this error shortly. DCU/WCY. (Don’t call us. We’ll call you.) That was the end of the Registry as far as I knew. I guess Laos didn’t count. They didn’t have a box to check for it.
But now with the birth of the PACT Act, a whole new crop of acronyms are being born and bandied about like old, well-worn terms everyone is expected to know. CLCW (Camp Lejeune Contaminated Water), IEVs (Ionization-Exposed Vets), Nehmer -Class Vets (Vietnam presumptive.) ad nauseum. §§3.307; 3.309(e) just get longer and longer every year.
Let’s wade right in and start with an ILER or Individual Longitudinal Exposure Report. Basically, in a nutshell, this is nothing more than a review of your service medical treatment records. VA uses a lot of AI to massage the information here. They’ll take an asthma visit to sick call as NOS (not otherwise specified) or RO (rule out asthma). Could be asthma but you don’t have a diagnosis (dx). Just in case, here’s an Albuterol inhaler but that isn’t to say we’re admitting you actually have any respiratory diseases. We’re merely supplying you with a rescue inhaler JIC (just in case).
The next one is the TERA report. TERA is Toxic Exposure Risk Activity. From all the ones I’ve looked at, this is a simple dumpster dive into you military records to determine any deployments to “problem” areas which might force them into acceptance of you as a potential exposee to chemicals or herbicides or ____________. Essentially, this is the old boots-on-the-ground Haas versus Peake paradox, or more simply, the newest updated VA Agent Orange Registry with add ons. Haas gave birth to what “coming ashore” was defined as. This led to the Brown water River Rats getting their boots on the ground. VA started drawing lines across Cam Ranh Bay and Da Nang Harbor to delineate where the Agent Orange magically stopped. That’s the “science” we’re dealing with.
VA roots through your DD 214 and looks for things like ARPAC (Army of the Pacific) or PACAF (Pacific Air Forces). OEF and OIF and your “I was there” medals are analyzed. If your Firebase Zip Code aligns with one in-country, you’re a Nehmer. Or if your boat was on the Brown Water NAVY (BWN) List, you ate the Orange stuff on the Perfume River. Or if your zip code was in Afstan, you get the burn pit presumption. You’re still going to need extra help such as a nexus letter after they say “Yep. You were exposed but our TERA/ILER specialists say your MOS was not involved in burnpitting. Trust me. We tried like the devil to get this to come down in your favor but it just wouldn’t fly… but thanks oodles for you service.
Just before the PACT Act hit the books, we experienced the Procopio versus Wilkie revision and overthrow of the Haas v. Peake decision. This created a new group called the Blue Water Boys out to 12 miles offshore. More lines were drawn in the South China Sea to define this. Like Agent Orange obeys Nationally recognized borders. As you can imagine, this let another sizable number of Squids into the Club. The PACT Act essentially lets everyone who ever served overseas in the general area of SWA (South West Asia) into this select clique. PACT also lets us Thailand/Laos/Cambodia outcasts into the club… but not under the favorable Nehmer terms. It also added a few more with Anderson AFB/Guam. But thirty years have gone by so there’s been a little attrition among the claimants due to lung cancer, Parkie’s and DM II.
Mostly, the PACT ACT is the biggest nothing burger to come down the pike in a while VA-wise. The majority of you are going to get the “Granted at 0%” pat on the back. A few will get the Full Ride scholarship and P&T. I’m not trying to piss on your campfire and bum you out. VA has a lot in the PACT bag but the big ticket items are the ones that will put you in the grave sooner that you expect. Ain’t no yellow ribbons ’round the old oak tree background music playing here….
In summary, the only time VA tries to shake your hand and put their arm around you is for a photo op. Any time VA uses words like Stakeholder or “We’re all in this together.”, my advice is to step back and use the time-worn phrase of Jay Silverheels (Tonto in the Lone Ranger)- “What you mean ‘we’, Kimosabe? You ain’t got any more Native American in you than Sen. Liz Warren.”
Your friends in this VA poker game are always going to be your fellow Veterans. The President or National Commander of VFW flying around in that Gulfstream V could give a shit about you. Beware of men wearing funny hats.
What would a blog post be without old Ed the LRRP not offering his wit…
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