Two Pinocchios

Two Pinocchios

(UPI)Under Secretary for Veterans Benefits (and now titular head of the VHA, too) Allison “In Wonderland” Hickey announced today that the VA’s highly-trained investigators at the Office of Inspector General have finally gotten to the bottom of the VA scheduling snafu down in Phoenix, Arkansas.  

Said Hickey: ” After an in-depth review of all evidence available, our intrepid investigators discovered a heretofore invisible malware program had intruded into the VA’s VISTA medical computer system. Due to the advanced age of the system, which is powered by Windows XP, they were able to access our appointment calendars and effect changes that were purposefully designed to make VA’s Medical Centers look inept and uncaring of severely disabled Veterans. Fortunately, the OIG identified this weakness before an even more serious breach of the records could be accomplished. We have now installed firewalls to prevent this but will need to create a new system. We will be approaching Congress for funding of VISTAPLUS shortly and our IT administrators have endorsed a $1.4 Billion system designed by the Chinese company NORINCO as the best buy for the money.”


VA Press Secretary Carney illustrating with his hands just how large the disconnected electrical plug was.

USB Hickey then turned the briefing over to VA Press Secretary Jay Carney. Carney opined that the computer virus might never have been discovered if the OIG had not made the surprise inspection. Carney further theorized that if the OIG investigators had not found the computer was unplugged back in the mechanical room, the problem would still be of immense proportions.

The virus, nicknamed VABONUS, is suspected of having contaminated at least two, and quite possibly three other nearby satellite computers outside Phoenix in Little Rock and several smaller Community Based Outpatient Clinics ( Fort Smith, Pine Bluff and Texarkana)). Carney at this time was not able to state with any assurance that the virus might also have hitchhiked on emails back to their Central Offices in Washington, DC. However, he did go on record as saying the possibility was there, nevertheless. ” We scrub all the emails every night and shred the evidence of it. Our IT guys are still reviewing the software doomoflotchies but they tell me the probability of VABONUS in DC is slim to none. We’ll have a new update when we accomplish the review in late January of 2016 after the inauguration. Oh, and one last update. Apparently I was in error.  My assistant informs me that we do not scrub emails but preserve them for posterity off-site on old, repurposed IRS, er, VA computers. ”


Three Pinocchios

USB Hickey also iterated her commitment to Veterans by pointing out she, too, is one. “Lot’s of people overlook the fact that I was a lifer. I worked hard for that star. You think flying a desk was fun? Try it for a decade or two and you’ll discover this VA gig is a vacation in comparison. Acting VA Secretary Gibson is now hard at work trying to sort out all the problems that prior administrations overlooked and he’s not getting a lot of cooperation. The media needs to cool off and give us time to ascertain the problems. We would also appreciate it if they would give us the names of all the whistleblowers that contacted them anonymously so we can interview them and get an accurate assessment from all stakeholders, not just the ones on record. Knowledge is power at the VA and the more we have, the better our decisional capabilities will be enhanced. The identities and any photographs of the whistleblowers will be scrupulously protected by the OIG.”

Onwards thru the Fog.

download (1)


About asknod

VA claims blogger
This entry was posted in VAMC Scheduling Coverup and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Abby says:

    I have no idea why you think Allison Hickey is also the head of VHA. She’s not and never has been. But no need to let facts get in the way of your silly ranting.

    • asknod says:

      Poor Abby. Never heard of humor. The glass is half empty and wipe that smile off your faces. No joking. Hush or you get detention.

  2. hepper74 says:

    Funny, seeing as how the clinic here in little ole Colorado Springs also came up on the shit (sorry, short) list for “computer errors or bugs”. Not buying it and never will. Way too small a chance that a bug got into that system just to make them look bad. What does she think the agency looked like prior to this? Asinine!

  3. WGM says:

    Oat Willie for President.
    Wonder Wart Hog for Vice Pres.
    Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers for the President’s cabinet.
    Fat Freddie’s Cat for vA Secretary.
    Cheech and Chong as Director’s of CIA and NSA.
    Yosemite Sam Director ATF.
    Sky King Director of NASA.
    Paladin Director of FBI.
    Howdy Doody Homeland Security.

  4. John King says:

    Anyone who depends on VA medical care has my deepest sympathy. Never have so many done so little for so much. They don’t even know when they are lying.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.