In an attempt to stem their expected losses following the revelations of exorbitant CEO pay, the Big Six VSOs announced plans today to institute a temporary surcharge on Vets for helping them with their VA claims.
James Robert “Jimbob” Sniffalot, who drew the short straw, was trotted out to do the press release yesterday in the bar at the VFW headquarters in DC. Nursing a Jack and Coke, he bemoaned the mainstream media attack on Veterans Service Organizations and their devoted employees.
“In light of the Sequestration and the expected drop in donations and membership, it is with heavy heart that we announce the need to institute a means test on all Veterans and begin charging a small pittance for representing them before the Veterans Administration. This miniscule fee, amounting to no more than 20% of a Veteran’s award, will be collected following his grant. We do not see a need for a higher percentage because we’ve agreed to suck it in and go lean. We feel the pain of our Vets and we commiserate with them but we simply cannot sustain our losses at this time. With the advent of the Sequestration, funds available to us from Congress are slated to dry up.” said Sniffalot.
When queried about this more closely, Sniffalot admitted Congress was not cutting them short but intimated that “they might and we simply have to consider that possibility”. When pushed for some type of corroboration for his comments, Sniffalot was vociferous about the possibility of forged IRS Form 990s that have appeared recently. ” We have enemies in this business. The lawyers who represent Vets have it in for us. They’re the ones behind this. They’re greedy and want more than the 20% they gouge now” We’re simply mirroring the industry standard at 20%.”
It appears with the recent reports of extravagant pay and vacations on the Riviera for “Veterans Affairs Conferences” that most or all of the Big Six will hunker down and deny the IRS Form 990s released in the last few weeks are wholly representative of their CEOs’ pay. The American Legion went so far as to release the new location of their 2013 extravaganza as Peoria, Iowa rather than their original choice of Kapalua on Maui citing the economy as a reason. “We are just want to spend our member’s dollars in America rather than take them to the overseas” said AmLeg spokesperson Amanda Chursprudethsha. When it was pointed out that Kapalua and indeed Maui were American possessions, Ms. Chursprudethsha was taken aback. “Did this occur recently?We don’t get out much here in the New Delhi.” When it was pointed out that Peoria was actually in Illinois rather than Iowa, Miss Chursprudthsha was at a further loss for words exclaiming “We just release what the Legion has given for us. It is very possible Illinois is in Peoria.”