Looking for love in all the wrong places as the song goes. Who would have thunk it? Those religious zealots at the Church of Scientology, founded by famed science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard, are on it,, baby. This enervating article by David Swanson of Veterans Today is a high quality product that illustrates the flaw in our thinking for the last 20 or more years. At first I thought I was reading The Duffel Blog humor, but I checked the header a second time and lo, there it was -VT.

This is priceless. You can’t make this up unless you’re David Koresh or Ron.

“Scientologists believe the regime, which includes massive consumption of vitamins, four-hour sauna sessions and morning runs, can ‘sweat out’ toxins stored in body fat. There are no peer-reviewed studies to back this claim. . . .

This just in from Shawn, our reporter about town up in Kellogg’s very own Battle Creek. Apparently, we’ve been overthinking this whole dioxin/picloram brouhaha. It seems all  that is required is a massive 20-day regimen of vitamins, a good 5 K jaunt daily  and a few hot tub experiences to sweat the toxins out. Et voila! Problem solved in 20 days. Now why didn’t VA try this? Issue every Vet a hot tub, institute a group therapy fun run at the VAMC every week and mail out vitamins by the shit ton. Parkinson’s? I don’t think so. IHD? Gone. Hairy “b” cell leukemia? NIMBY (not in my bones,, Yankee!).

Why, DM2 could even be conquered. VA could become solvent again and have oodles of bucks for the big problems coming up due to the Iraqistan misunderstanding. Sometimes you just have to think outside the medical box and involve serious religions in this. In fact, I vote we turn loose these sleuths on the VA backlog.

Now if they can find a way to “sweat out” that warped gene sequence doomoflotchie. You know. The one that causes Crohn’s, spina bifida, growth hormone deficiencies and all the cancers that aren’t AO-related that we all came down with?

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho. It’s off to jog we go. Healthy living through Scientology.