By now we are all too familiar with VA justice and their misguided attempts at analyzing our evidence with an eye towards a fair and balanced reading. Member Robert, who awaits  his winning Lotto ticket, sends in this snippet of humor.

Over the last two decades as my various claims have waxed and waned before the adjudicators, I was always struck by what they did with the evidence-or more precisely, how they extrapolated a denial from sure success. I was unable to fathom this mystery until I fell ill. Once I was able to view the tens of thousands of BVA decisions on these subjects, it became apparent that their repertoire was extremely sparse. All claims were denied using a standard boilerplate terminology. With the advent of the Internet, they were forced to fan out and come up with newer and more refined arguments to support their inevitable denials.

We try to bring those to you in legal form to illustrate how it’s done and the subterfuge employed. To my immense pleasure, what should fall in my lap but an excellent example albeit in media format but nevertheless employing the same technique…

 A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington,DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to  devour her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion squarely on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl. The biker carefully scoops her up and brings her to her terrified parents who thank him profusely. A  Washington Post reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’

The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was effectively incarcerated behind the bars. I just saw the child in danger and acted appropriately.’

The reporter says, ‘Well, I intend to make sure this  doesn’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a  living?’

The biker replies ‘I’m a U.S. Marine.’

The journalist lastly inquires ‘And what is your political bent?’

‘Conservative. I suppose you could characterize me as a Republican.’

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker spots the Post headline at the Media Kiosk in his hotel lobby:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN

IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HER LUNCH

Sound familiar?  How about ‘Vet injured numerous times while jumping out of C-130 as a paratrooper. Service connection is denied as there is no link demonstrated between current torn meniscus/ACL  injuries and events in service.’ Or more appropriately, ‘HCV  service connection is denied as there is no diagnosis of HCV in the Veteran’s SMRs from the 60’s.’

Gosh. Is it Groundhog Day again? It feels like we just celebrated it yesterday. I filed my latest claims on appeal on 23 Feb. 2007. In 21 days, I will have waited six years for fruition. I actually feel blessed compared to some I have read about like Jean Erspamer.