In an exciting development for Vets, the Dept. Of Justice, in conjunction with the VA’s Office of the Inspector General, finally got around to measuring David Kwiatkowski for his new striped suit. He has now been indicted for the 30+ cases of HCV he’s spread around the Northeast and Eastern seaboard. The man is a regular Typhoid Mary and we wondered why we hadn’t heard from the troops up in Exeter, N.H. regarding his fate. Seems they have a backlog and are taking an inordinately long time to process them. The good news, as reported by the OIG, was that they anticipate completing his inprocessing paperwork and completing his claim conviction within 290 days with  an expected 86% accuracy quotient.

Meanwhile, on the Left Coast they haven’t been slouching either.  U.S. attorney Jenny Durkan announced last week that with the cutting edge investigative techniques of the VA’s OIG, they have now officially convicted one of the five Veterans who were embezzling funds from the Travel Pay program.  Aaron Adams, 50, was convicted of filing 96 claims for $262.00 a pop.In all, nine suspects, including two VA employees (Nick B. Hall and Keishjuan Daniels), were busy as bird dogs filing false mileage claims with the Travel Office at the Seattle VAMC up on Pill Hill.  Apparently Hall and Daniels recruited these fellows and split the take. Steal if you must but never steal from the government.

As we all know, if you are going to engage in a criminal enterprise, there is a mathematical formula involved that explains the inevitable consequences. This was arrived at over a century ago by a small Italian outfit that worked mostly out of Sicily.

N+F($A)=P%

Where

N= the number of conspirators plus

F= frequency of crime committed multiplied by

$A = amount in dollars involved equals

P = probability of getting busted expressed as a percentage.

We discovered in Southeast Asia that the more people willing to admit they knew anything about something, the greater chance that someone would spill the beans and we’d all get sanctioned for it. This was beginning of the “That all depends on what the meaning of “is” is defense. Rules of Engagement (ROE), nicknamed Romeos forbade certain practices. In order to succeed, these ROEs had to be reinterpreted on a case by case basis. Thus napalm could sometimes be characterized as “that sticky stuff that burns” or the Chinese Agricultural Mission and Medical Facility with all the Russian PT-76s out front at Ban Sam Neua  could accidentally be mistaken (and was) for a Pathet Lao truck park.

These gentlemen had a fine scam up and running, but as with all enterprises, they fell afoul of the Italian mathematical formula. Had they been willing to keep their escapades more subtle and involve fewer personnel, I suspect they would still be in business. No one I’ve spoken to has intimated that the prowess of the OIG had anything whatsoever to do with the arrest and conviction of any of these fellows. The mere fact that all have been identified and indicted tells us that there is no honor among thieves.  I, for one, suspect the weak link was loose lips. Anyone involved with a scam this sweet probably couldn’t resist the urge to brag about it. Now, had it been women, we still wouldn’t be the wiser.