PETCO® stocks as well as Chicago Mercantile Exchange shares on livestock were up across the board 23 points on Dog and Pony futures of all breeds yesterday after a news release about the new Department of Veterans Affairs purchase contract.
The new contract, in addition to the 59 pairs, includes room and board at local petting zoos nearest the Regional Offices and the AMC. VA’s Central Office (VACO) ordered an additional ten pair due to heavy demand and to give the animals some respite from their anticipated heavy workload appearance schedule soon.
VA Under Secretary for Dog and Pony Shows Allison Hickey claims that this has been in the works for quite some time and is an important element in their plan to reduce the claims backlog. Speaking from prepared comments. She said ” VA and I feel this is an important element to aid in distracting Congress from what’s really going on. Hopefully it will be an important stakeholder tool to pacify VSOs and irritable Vets. Animals are quite soothing and help in the control of PT-er- personality disorders.”
An AFGE Union spokesman who wished to remain nameless was skeptical that this could help in any way but nevertheless said he’d take a “wait and see” approach. He insists AFGE has nothing personal against dogs and ponies and was quick to point out: ” Many of our members have dogs and ponies already-albeit in a private setting. We do not advocate their use in the VA claims process per se. However, in keeping with VA’s wishes, we will remain open-minded.”
In related news, the VAOIG is reputed to be investigating reports of recent dog and pony animal cruelty at the much-maligned Orlando Meet and Greet. Anonymous reports of inebriated VA VLJs playing Pin the Form 9 on the Pony are unsubstantiated as yet.
The Service Station Manager is worried about winter temperatures and opted for a facsimile pony
VA’s planned roll out at the beleaguered LARO was more professional. It was orchestrated with the recent Homeless stand down and jobs fair for Vets. Handsome t shirts were handed out to all participants as well as well as job applications for Fortune 500 companies. VA has also discovered a home for all those MR&Es with expired shelf life stickers.
News and film at Eleven!
Happy Labor Day.
asknod
Bethanie Spangenberg
kcraveiro
robinhoodesqvetsatty
Wesley McCauley
Veterans Claims Help 
Top photo is of former Gov. Jim Douglas of Vermont. He tried very hard to keep taxes from rising and businesses from leaving the state. Last Republican governor VT will see for a long time.
Oh come on, Kiedove. I was having fun. It’s clearly labeled humor. Thanks for identifying him though. The picture is the epitome of what I was trying to express. I hereby offer a heartfelt apology to Gov. Douglas for dragging his name through the vA mud.
I like the humor! But I got a little “homesick” when I saw the picture of Douglas. I chatted with him on several occasions because VT, as you know, has such a small and politically active population. I like that about Vermont. And I like the fact that there are more parties besides just Ds and Rs.
But things are so out of balance there now–moderates, libertarians, and conservatives have no representation in most towns (in the state house or senate) and that’s not healthy. I have friends who have run for office altruistically, taking time away from their families, yet knowing that they couldn’t win. They didn’t want to hand over the offices without putting up a fight!