Most of you don’t realize I’m from south of the Mason-Dixon line. I ended up on the Left Coast after I got out and was too poor to move back to the Northern neck (of Virginia). Truth be told there wasn’t much to make me want to. I got the Dear John from whatshername about a month into boot camp when I mailed her a picture of my new haircut. My relatives weren’t rich so I couldn’t bum off of them. No, the smart money was skip rent, buy tickets to the Cal Jam at Ontario Speedway April 9th, 1974 and then move to Seattle in the middle of even/odd gas rationing. All in all, a well thought out plan until I got to Weed, California on empty.

I guess you’re wondering how pecan pie fits into that equation. If you are from the south, you cook differently from other folks. We give out recipes for things but never, ever list all the correct ingredients. That way when your friend came over for a cocktail party and complained that the corn bread didn’t rise like yours, you could act stupid. He/she didn’t need to know you inserted baking soda for baking powder. You’d shrug your shoulders and tell them they didn’t whip the eggs long enough. Evil is as evil does.

With that said, and knowing that my ancestors won’t rise from the grave and throttle me, I release the real recipe from Georgia for Southern pecan pie. This is the quintessential Thanksgiving desert in our humble abode. Before you get out the pie pan, let’s get one thing straight. It’s pronounced pea-can pie as in I can, you can and pea can. None of this pecahn pie business with the accent on the second syllable. If you’re from north of Baltimore, then you’ll have to relearn it. I hope none of you say to-mah-to, either. Pe-cahn pie from up north is a gooey mess with whole pecahns and a cardboard crust. It’s not their fault. One of my ancestors undoubtedly gave them the recipe. Where we’re going, there is no crust.

Pecan Pie

Oven =325

3 egg whites (whipped)

1 cup sugar

3/4 cup pecans broken up lovingly

3/4 cup graham crackers  well-crumbled

1 tsp. Baking Powder

1 tsp. Vanilla

1 Tanqueray ‘n Tonic (TNT) with two limes (squeezed). Face Great Britain and salute, then begin.

Beat whites and then add other ingredients. Grease 9″ pyrex pie pan. Cook 25 minutes in a slow oven to a light tan crust. Cover with 1/2 pint whipped creme and stand well back from the stampede.  Experience will eventually teach you to make two as one will evaporate before dinner begins. No crust. What could be simpler? I promise this is correct in all respects. It wouldn’t take long to prove me a liar anyway. If it doesn’t appeal to you then you are beyond help.

Veterans’ wives would be advised to butter me up as there are other recipes I possess that make this look like child’s play. My Daddy’s corncake is the talk of two Carolinas and Virginia. Notice I said corncake, not cornbread. It’s been likened to one of Betty Crocker’s adventures in good eating, but you won’t find it there. Bon appetit, mesdames et messieurs.