In the news today, old timers still in uniform are numb with fear that they will have to convert over to the new, 21st Century vision of the Marine Corps. Open rebellion is brewing at several bases and the Training Instructors at Paris Island are reputed to be mulling resignation en masse. While the new uniform will be Dress, it will not be worn into the field. Standard BDUs with an as-yet to be determined camo pattern will still be de rigeur there. This has quelled some soldier’s fears but the very idea of dressing up as “girly men”, as Gunny Sgt. Vic Morrow phrased it, has many on edge. 

“This is going too far. We were fine with just fragging the queers as we identified them and then they came out with the DADT bulljive. But this new same sex marriage thing blew it wide open. Throw in the uniform thing and I can safely say it’s a dealbreaker.” said Morrow. “I’m turning in my papers tomorrow. No way I’m going out in public looking like that.” His fellow NCOs voiced their agreement in unison over salt and pepper (Jack Daniels with beer chasers) farewell toasts.

Morrow’s second in command,  Gunny Sid “Vicious” Tremont added “If the President was trying to downsize the Corps, I can’t think of a better way than to decapitate the hierarchy of the Non Commissioned Officers’ ranks with a moronic stunt like this. I’ll be interested to see who’s gonna train our guys when they get a load of their new suit.”

At today’s news conference, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel said “It’s time for the barbaric reputation of the Marine Corps to be softened a little and we felt this was the quickest way to take them down a notch. They have to know I’m the boss and I give the orders. Besides, the President feels this will be less intimidating to the Taliban and the Al Qaeda if we staff our embassies with the troops dressed this way.”

A special thank you to Diane Barnett for shhharring that with us.

P.S. LawBob Squarepants sends me this as a rejoinder which is real. Girlyhats? What next? Man, I know a shit ton of Marine Vets who are going to go NASDAQ over this. We’re going to be lucky if we even have any Marines by this time next year. The rifle-bearing kind, I mean.