Remember the the second Bob Newhart Show where the three brothers come in? “Hi. I’m Larry and this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl.”? Here I wish to immortalize that famous line again. Obviously Veteran Larry told both his brothers-in law (also similarly situated) about his new trick to siphon off $18.00 each trip to vA. After about a year this spread among the family and friends and soon there were nine doing it including -yep- two brothers named Derrick and Phillip. I learned to my great dismay in Southeast Asia that a secret blooms like Pansies once two or more people know about it. That’s probably why they invented security clearances.

Law Bob sends me this lame Veteran attempt to smoke the vA out of about .0001 seconds of operating funds. Considering they blow through $56,000.00 in bonuses a day nationwide for denials “above and beyond the call of duty” while often putting themselves “in great danger to save their fellow employees”, pursuing this noble endeavour is necessary to maintain honesty in the ranks. I’m sure the vAOIG utilized choppers for surveillance and many gallons of gas.

Most importantly, I have found that defrauding or stealing from the government (and the vA) is met with very harshly. Unofficial requisitioning, on the other hand, in time of war is considered impolite but tolerated. Who counts Dupont Spinners? We never did. Larry, Darryl and Darryl have now discovered the limits of what they can claim for travel pay. At 45¢ a mile, it all adds up. Worse, if everyone traveling from Clayton to Dayton is getting paid $14.50 and you’re claiming $44.50 from your Grandma’s house in Cleveland, you have to expect a little scrutiny. Most especially if your address of record is Clayton. I shouldn’t even have to point this out.

As for claiming an award of 3 Silver Stars and 3 Purple Hearts for Meritorious Service to the Great State of Missouri in the National Guard, you better have a pretty spiffy DD 214 to that effect. vA is more than happy to give you disabled contractor status, but don’t be surprised if the OIG drops by eventually and wants to make sure the $6.7 million dollars in contracts you did with vA was all legit. Warren K. Parker, 70, has some big Frequent Fraud Miles accumulated,  so it appears he’s going to get an all-expenses-paid, 87-month staycation at the famous Graybar Hotel in Kansas. In keeping with the Larry, Darryl, and Darryl theme of blood being thicker than water, his wife, son and son in law ( Mary, Michael and Thomas) will also be joining him soon on this extended getaway. Silver Star Construction LLC,  in the interim, apparently will go into hibernation. Warren had this to say about that:

“We’ll be back in business as soon as this horrible miscommunication is rectified and my good name is restored. My wife and family are confident we’ll be vindicated. As an aside, if you haven’t purchased my book entitled Book of Death about my adventures in Vietnam as a sniper, I strongly suggest it. It captivated me just by writing it!”

Judging by the long list of entities prosecuting this case, it’s entirely possible more than that sum was spent ferreting out the miscreants and their ill gotten lucre. Nevertheless, justice was served-chilled.

Warren K, Parker- a legend in his own mind; a rumor in his own room. We split the October Alfred E. Neuman Award among these two equally deserving groups because we frankly are unable to ascertain the more deserving party.