Back in late March I called VA at their 800 number to see how my CUE claim for reducing my PCT scar rating was doing. I talked to a polite lady named Peggy. I’ve talked to her before and I think her voice has changed. The last time she sounded like a man and I was afraid to ask if she’s had a sex change operation. Perhaps it was that three day throat bug that was going around back then.

Peggy is very knowledgeable about all things VA. She’s also an avid gardener from what I can gather. I mentioned I’d planted my string beans and said it would be interesting to see whether the claim was resolved by the time they were ready to pick. She told me all about the 125 day/98% correct plan and how VA would redo my rating absolutely free if I wasn’t 98% pleased with the outcome. It’s called a DRO something or other. In fact, she went so far as to say VA is on my side and wants to make sure I get what’s coming to me. Sometimes I think they are more thoughtful than Oat Willie.

Well, I was out in the garden today and discovered to my horror that the string beans were out of control.  Yep. We’re way past 125 days and I haven’t seen any letter apologizing for their screwup yet. I was depending on that to let me know when to pick beans.  A bunch have gone rogue and were trying to convince the others to do so too. I quickly separated the ringleaders and sent them to the goat’s food bin. Feeding them to the horse is out of the question. He looks like a triple-wide manufactured home on hooves this summer. He can barely fit into his hackamore.

These beans are the mean and nasty juvenile delinquents. They use bad words and are troublemakers.

Seems as though Peggy was a little off on her prognostications. She mentioned she was a VSR when I asked her what her job title was.  I took that to mean she was a Vegetable Service Representative who was moonlighting at vA  but normally works for Burpee® Co. or one of the other big seed outfits. She seemed so up on veggies. I know better now. I guess the gentle reader can  figure out who’s responsible for this fiasco…

Let this be a lesson to all of you. You should never take gardening advice from the vA and especially not from Peggy. I think she may have been telling a fib about the VSR thing. Even Cupcake knows better than to plant them too close together.