A SHORT DISSERTATION

ON THE THEORY OF FLIGHT

Back in the early 70s when I took my summer vacations in sunny Southeast Asia, we were constantly taken aback by fanatics of rotary wing aircraft. Being Air Force and sane, we couldn’t comprehend how anyone would trust their life to something that defied the laws of common sense. If it didn’t require parachutes, it had no business being in the air.

There are two schools of thought on flight. The dominant, sane one was founded on the Wright Brothers’ concept. The other, flat earth society concept was dreamed up by several and popularized by Igor Sikorsky. Most understand the theory of flight(normal) but are unsure of the other. Simply put, it’s referred to as rotary wing. Yes, Virginia. They took the wing and attached an engine to it. Silly, huh? Sillier still, they decided to trust their lives to it. That’s the Army for you.

After Col. George Custer’s (brevet Maj. Gen.) debacle with the Sioux up in Montana, the Army started investigating new ways to get the cavalry into battle (and out) more rapidly. Voilà! The chopper concept was born. The Army claimed exclusive rights to own and operate this abortion and  got no argument from higher ups. The Air Force, for the most part, had no desire to own and operate rotary wing aircraft and politely acquiesced when given the chance. This was a valuable consideration and gave us more leverage to bargain with them on Forward Air Control later on down the road. Besides, who needs to land in the middle of nowhere? It’s uncivilized. They rarely serve Tanqueray, the tonic water is flat and ice is scarce.  Add in the deficit that good-looking women don’t tend to congregate in these locales and the reason for being there gets murky. Besides, Army types tend to cheat on the tonic water and grind up their quinine pills as a substitute. This may cut down on malaria but is simply not done in civilized circles-even in war.

Most importantly, what everyone in the Army seems to ignore is the obvious aerodynamic deficiency associated with a rotary wing concept. I speak, of course, of the proclivity of a chopper to either spiral down or drop precipitously when power is no longer transferred to the wing overhead. This phenomenon is known to occur when the power plant or its hydraulics ingest pieces of metal-perchance small arms fire. Fixed wing aircraft, when faced with this predicament, tend to glide when power is interrupted. This permits the introduction of parachutes to the formula, an orderly egress and a safe descent back to earth.

Army types have developed all manner of techniques to counter this problem. The most frequent is the auto-rotation ploy. Disengaging the drive for a suitable time until altitude has been lost, they engage the rotor just before impact and arrest the free fall of the aircraft. This has also been describes as a controlled accident. Some actually walk away from it unscathed. Most choppers don’t fare well and the extraordinary number of bent skids on Hueys were testimony to the fact that this technique was dicey. Army types think you can buy anything but gravity is not on that list. Army types are also loathe to point out that this is not always feasible when the tail rotor has been shot away. Their desire to own and operate Edsels is legend. Perhaps rotary wing is just an extension of that mental defect.

Nevertheless, there are a select group of groundpounders cum wannabe airmen who will always choose to ride into battle astride a workhorse. With the demise of the traditional cavalry and the advent of Air Cavalry, they got their wish. Once bitten, there was and is no cure.

To emphasize my point, witness this aberation on the ceiling of what is undoubtedly the home of a former 173rd Airborne member…

We in the Air Force were fond of our Army brethren back in those days and undoubtedly still are. They were adept at capturing enemy airpatches and allowing us an opportunity to bring in the finer things of life like fine Scotch and Cuban cigars to barter with them after the hostilities were concluded. Hell, that’s what comrades in arms do for one another.

I can’t wait to see where the next step in rotary wing (the Osprey) will lead us but if gravity is a portent, their days are numbered too. The Osprey is a classic example of trying to cross an Edsel with a Pinto and put recalled ATV retreads on it. Why not a venerable, proven workhorse like the old PC-6 Porter VSTOL?  They’re virtually indestructible unless you stall out at 300 feet. Even then, you can still walk away from it. I’m living proof.

What isn’t mentioned is that if Jack hadn’t had a hangover and had been watching his airspeed, said tree would not have reached out and hit him. From my perspective and that altimeter in my stomach called the sinking sensation, it was my considered opinion that the airframe contacted the tree moments before it’s inexorable descent into the forest (and the rest of the trees adjacent to it). But that is just conjecture as I didn’t have a rating.

Giving credit where credit is due, member Bob emailed the ceiling artwork to me. Being one of those lovers of all things rotary wing , I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s on the ceiling of his man cave. He probably has a lifetime supply of quinine pills and an Edsel, too.