In June, my wife had to go to Las Vegas on real estate business. Naturally, I was assigned as her bodyguard. While there, I wanted to express my appreciation to Princess for keeping me alive in 2009 when the VA was doing everything in it’s power to kill me. This was our first vacation since the bottom of the world fell out. I saw a gorgeous purse in what could best be described as electric guacamole green. I had not been informed that the correct color name is “celery”. Up until this time I had no idea that fashionistas named colors after vegetables. I guess I should have figured it out by now. In 2004, while laying pink tile in a foyer of a house we were building, I came to realize it was actually Salmon-colored and added it to my severely compromised default color chart. Men have about six colors and verbally mix them for the benefit of other men. You women have what can best be described as “verbal skills” that make it easier to communicate these various hues.

Shortly after this gift, all the women my wife encountered in her work complemented her on her choice. She allowed as how I was the progenitor which elicited squeals of laughter. The idea that a man could pick this Fall’s most trendy color defies the imagination, doesn’t it?

What happened next is indescribable. Suddenly Honda came out with a metallic green version of the same thing. Then another auto maker followed suit. That was the just the beginning. Next, Cupcake found a gorgeous black raincoat with matching green “celery” collar. Well, when in Rome, accessorize- right?

Who would have thought a Praying Mantis needed to accessorize with her body color? Well, my better half, obviously.  My color library is growing slowly. I hope to encounter red the color of rare roast beef soon. Perhaps I’ll get a wallet that color. It may be the newest trend. One thing is for certain.  Women will not refer to it as Red.

Ladies, I give you… Bug, with matching handbag.