At every VAMC you will find a ROI. That, if you haven’t visited the VA dictionary, is the Release Of Information portal. You will end up there eventually for several different reasons which we shall talk about today.

You have probably heard about Ebenefits and Myhealthevet which are two programs the VA administers via the internet. They are getting better with age like a fine cabernet. Some day we will be forced to use these exclusively and talk to people with English accents in India who will claim to work for the VA. You might as well get started now.

Ebenefits  is used to find out where on earth your claim is and when it will be done. It’s a nice little fictional story and will keep you entertained for years. Myhealthevet aspires to connect you with the medical side of your relationship with VA. It, too, is growing slowly and is reputed to soon enable you to see your medical records. This is slated for 2016 or so. I noticed my laboratory results are starting to pop up there about 3 months after I see the doctor.  This may be a problem for some if you are emergent and desire to find out what’s afoot immediately. For others it’s an important tool to keep abreast of what you have actually been diagnosed with. Many Vets come to us with horror stories of lab tests for HCV they were given years ago. They are just now discovering the tests were positive and no one bothered to tell them. Sound familiar? Don’t feel pregnant and alone.

In order to enroll for either one of these programs, you will need to present yourself in person at the ROI and sign up. You will need valid I.D.  After proving your identity you will be able to access the new system when its up and running. They are notorious for their downtime so don’t be disappointed. Here is the link

https://www.ebenefits.va.gov/ebenefits-portal/ebenefits.portal?_nfpb=true&_nfxr=false&_pageLabel=SelfRegistrationLevel1

The link for myhealthevet is

http://www.myhealth.va.gov/

As cynical as I am, I am personally glad they have instituted these programs. Ebenefits has taken a load off the poor telephone crews at Dial a Prayer. Now Vets can pester a computer 8 times a day about the progress of their claim instead of a warm ignorant body.

Speedupmyclaim.com  (It’s humor. Okay?)

Being old fashioned, I like to visit with Bev and Marge at my local ROI. They, in turn, like the Hershey’s toffee almond candy bars I always bring them so I get really good service. Veterans would be advised to carry these with them year ’round rather than just at Valentine’s day or Halloween. My VAMC is 42 miles away and gas isn’t cheap. A simple telephone call to Bev asking her to mail me the most recent lab or Doctor’s visit is an ace in my pocket. Without the toffee almond bars she wouldn’t remember me from Adam’s asshole.  Now, with just the mention of them, she exclaims ” Oh, sure. I remember you, honey. How far back do you need?”

I also find the candy is useful when trying to get labs done. I made friends with the gal up in Infusion therapy when I was very ill and had a PICC line in. She would do my blood draws at the same time as she refreshed the surgical site. If you have never taken a number at the lab in a VAMC, you will soon come to dread the experience.  Chocolate doesn’t cut it down at the lab. Some Vets don’t bathe very frequently if they suffer from PTSD. Others use Petuli oil in an effort to mask the aroma. This is like drinking Vodka during the day in the mistaken belief that nobody can smell it. Some have colds and sneeze a lot without covering their faces. I have a compromised immune system and it scares me to death to go in there and wait for 30-40 minutes. I armour up with masks and hand sanitizer and I still worry.

Well, worry no more pilgrims. Yes, with Hershey’s amazing new TA-3, you to can overcome medical problems that seem insurmountable. Simply present them everywhere you go and soon you will notice that you are ushered to the front of the line at VAMCs . Soon VA employees will “friend” you on their Facebooks. You will need this soon. I have witnessed the shrinking budget and it is beginning to make a subtle difference. Nurse Jean up in Infusion therapy used to hold court with Sandy and Barb 4 days a week and take Fridays off. Used to be you could go up there for a blood draw and find out the skinny on who’d been fired in the pharmacy for stealing Dilaudid. Yessiree. Chocolate got you the newest recliner up there pronto. Now she’s there with only Barb on Mondays and Wednesdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays they put her on the shuttle bus to Seattle to go work at the VAMC up there. This has put undo stress on me because I have to schedule all my appointments on Mondays and Wednesdays to obtain good gossip.

Rumor has it that by next year we’ll have to draw our own blood and send it in little prepaid packages to Rajeev at the lab in New Dehli. This Obamacare thing is starting to have horrible consequences as you can see. My PCP and his crew sent me a letter this week announcing a new program called PACT (Patient Aligned Care Team) . The new PACT approach offers many ways to access health care according to the brochure. Most of it entails a “type it in and send it to us” format on Myhealthevet. They promise to get back to you soon. Keeping in mind the promise to me from the VARO after my NOD that they had my claim in January of 1995 and would be “getting back to me as soon as they had reviewed the new info”, I feel I have cause for alarm. As most know, VA never did get back to me. I got back to them 13 years later after I got too sick to work while waiting for that call.

I’m sure our illustrious leader at 810 Vermont Ave. NW means well, but every time the VA institutes something new to speed things up and improve the system, we see a marked decrease in work product and an increased wait time. Mayhap I’m just getting old and  irascible. However, I did mail the VLJ some Hershey’s toffee almond bars in hopes he would see my appeal in a more favorable light. If “he” had been a “she”, I’m sure I would have had a decision by now. More anon.

P.S. I am not sexist and most certainly not chauvinistic. It is my firm belief that the VA should be run by women. They are far more efficient. Hell. I’ve watched them type and talk on the phone simultaneously- all the while chewing gum and ovulating! I’d like to see a man try that.