Some of you probably thought that Dow Chemical quit manufacturing Agents Orange, Blue, White, Pink, Purple and Green after the Vietnam War. You would be wrong. Agent Blue is still manufactured and used extensively in theUS. Agent Purple was 300% stronger than Orange. White was used late in the war, but the picloram was contaminated with cancer-causing HCB. Agent Green was usually mixed with Agent Pink and they both consisted of pure dioxin- the cancer causing ingredient in Orange.  I don’t doubt that Dow continued to sell out  its stocks or shipped them to third world countries after they lost the Government contract. They probably rebranded it as Weedbgone or Nuke-it. Why throw it away perfectly good defolieant when you can sell it?  That stuff sure as hell has no shelf life.

What I really wanted to convey here was the availability of something as nasty as AO for killing  vegetation. I have been using something called monobor chlorate for almost 30 years. Its remarkable. It comes in white pellets or you can dissolve them into water. The former method will require a rainfall to activate it. The latter can be poured on anything or anywhere you don’t want things to grow. Sounds a lot like AO, no? I think its much safer., but I still suggest wearing plastic gloves and a paper mask when spreading it. I wish they’d told me to do something similar in 1970 when the C-123s flew over. This stuff is megatoxic and will probably warp your genes as if Orange or Blue hasn’t already.

Nothing grows for 2 years. Monobor claims only one year because they don’t like to brag. Not only that, if your neighbor has some pesky trees that are obscuring your expensive 270 degree view of theOlympic Mountains, whip up a super condensed batch of the liquid version and water his trees with it late at night. After several days the needles will start to brown and fall off like an unwatered  Christmas tree. Be careful though. Do one tree at a time so it will occur gradually. A $60.00/hour  arborist couldn’t even figure this one out. I know because I went over and offered my theory on the cause(global warming).

I normally use it on my gravel driveway. That was the original idea behind it-not my neighbor. Its a heavy metal product and is reputed to sink straight in and not migrate sideways or downhill. It works equally well on tall Douglas firs and  short  dandelions. I would have named it Agent Brown or Treebgone.And just who would you suspect was the manufacturer of this fine product? Pro-Serve, Inc., a subsidiary of Dow. Their motto? What else? Better living through chemicals.

Next week we’ll discuss pesky neighbors and how to whip up you very own homemade napalm (foo gas) with nothing more than  Diesel, gasoline and Tide laundry detergent. And you thought it was just for whiter whites and redder reds!