File this one in the Boldly Going Nowhere File:

We came across this one and felt the burning need to share it with our members.

In the March 2010 VA examination report, the Veteran claimed that he

contracted hepatitis C during service due to vaccinations he received

as “they were injecting everybody with the same needle.” He denied

having sex with males or eating his own feces. He stated that he had

not used alcohol in over 8 years and used crack in the past. He denied

IV drugs in the past; however, heroin and cocaine were found in the chart.

Sex with a prostitute was reflected in a September 2000 entry and he

contracted syphilis in November 1999. The examiner reviewed the

claims folder, and opined that eating one’s own feces is not

an indicator for hepatitis C.

Good. I’m glad we got that one settled.

http://www.va.gov/vetapp11/Files1/1107694.txt

And this gem: 
6. Entitlement to service connection for bilateral ear wax 
buildup.

http://www.va.gov/vetapp11/Files1/1109876.txt

But wait. There's more humor to be found if one digs.

A hearing was held on January 28, 2010, by means of video 
conferencing equipment with the appellant testifying from a prison 
in Kentucky,...In this regard, he has raised the issues of 
entitlement to a restoration of competency; entitlement to a 
retroactive apportionment; entitlement to reimbursement of VA 
pension benefits and medical expenses; entitlement to a 25 
percent "whistleblower fee"; entitlement to an increased 
rating for nonservice-connected flat feet (evaluated 
as 10 percent disabling for nonservice-connected pension 
purposes); and, entitlement to reimbursement of stolen 
VA pension funds.